tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-77892281082502605192024-02-07T21:33:36.662-05:00Pastor Jo SaysUniversal Life MinistriesJ.L. Murpheyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11782355786883006411noreply@blogger.comBlogger35125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7789228108250260519.post-77458490812675639192013-11-12T05:16:00.001-05:002013-11-12T05:16:14.278-05:00May You Rest in Peace ~ Andrew Mc NaughtonI've been caught up in my own little world of late that I almost missed this. <br />
<br />
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh3i6gGPPnwTG9vtCXz3p-HJfMpwBy4PK87p7ALbTu8ZnDrIiReLj9niuMueHP3Kfpriw_7pwNKlAN7osQGl3silk94FMO-UPMm8SZ8aAJ16p30wmy4rjNpHc29PoAUWwDMvs_mTulmWrB4/s1600/AndrewButton_zps74deaaa3.jpg" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="200" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh3i6gGPPnwTG9vtCXz3p-HJfMpwBy4PK87p7ALbTu8ZnDrIiReLj9niuMueHP3Kfpriw_7pwNKlAN7osQGl3silk94FMO-UPMm8SZ8aAJ16p30wmy4rjNpHc29PoAUWwDMvs_mTulmWrB4/s200/AndrewButton_zps74deaaa3.jpg" width="161" /></a>You
may have noticed the donation/blog hop logo on this blog for a young
man named Andrew McNaughton. You may even remember that I am a
contributing author in Nick Wilford's anthology,<a href="http://jomurphey.blogspot.com/2013/03/friday-fun-book-overcoming-aversity.html"> "Overcoming Adversity."</a> You may also remember an<a href="http://jomurphey.blogspot.com/2013/03/friday-fun-interview-with-nick-wilford.html"> interview</a> I posted with Nick hen the book was published<br />
<br />
It is with a very sad heart that I report that young Andrew passed away this weekend.<br />
<br />
My
heart goes out to Nick and his family. To lose a son even if he is a
stepson is hard. Being a stepson is no barrier to the heart to grief. To
Nick, Andrew was his son too in all senses of the word.<br />
<br />
Having
walked in those shoes before, I know from personal experience how hard
it is. Andrew, may you walk, run, and do all the things in heaven that
you couldn't do on earth. To Nick, his wife, and his sisters- may God
send his Holy Spirit to wrap you with the comforting blanket of His love
in the trying days and years to come. May He bring remembrances of the
joys this son gave you and fill your heart with laughter. May He bring
your heart peace.<br />
<br />
<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh72S7TzhZm60wmYl7FM9mi2BKrFDv9BiiGfY37H_4DAOrfsFYMlpqVsyXo0IEJWNDe-Ml2CoSF9zA-ejTisQZK33KVPnbcP3s7Ek754BghPXoCkpADp3ZZG_xxD4b1fDgurjKaVePE143F/s1600/11.11+Andrew+and+Nick.jpg" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh72S7TzhZm60wmYl7FM9mi2BKrFDv9BiiGfY37H_4DAOrfsFYMlpqVsyXo0IEJWNDe-Ml2CoSF9zA-ejTisQZK33KVPnbcP3s7Ek754BghPXoCkpADp3ZZG_xxD4b1fDgurjKaVePE143F/s1600/11.11+Andrew+and+Nick.jpg" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Andrew may your rest in peace and reside in joy.</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
<br />J.L. Murpheyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11782355786883006411noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7789228108250260519.post-64962481099676729142013-10-18T07:09:00.002-04:002013-10-18T07:09:26.022-04:00<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg3U6rctzTNJZCgDTBiFgjPolVIxgJyBrvAPg8O02ZijQUYddR3njhi772G8w0Pt5Hf4Wm-Ei8NteMz9lWj6Ob_o-ebwjyRpfIHFioG8zO4a7HP75QW4X8df453f0O0oX53zv-1tvDvYPY/s1600/birthday+cake.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="149" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg3U6rctzTNJZCgDTBiFgjPolVIxgJyBrvAPg8O02ZijQUYddR3njhi772G8w0Pt5Hf4Wm-Ei8NteMz9lWj6Ob_o-ebwjyRpfIHFioG8zO4a7HP75QW4X8df453f0O0oX53zv-1tvDvYPY/s200/birthday+cake.jpg" width="200" /></a></div>
Today is my husband's birthday. Happy Birthday, my beloved!<br />
<br />
Once again, he's proved us all wrong by opening his eyes to see another one. This is an important milestone.<br />
<br />
Yesterday, we weren't sure if he would. He went into congestive heart failure again. A slew of rapid phone calls between his cardiologist's and pulmonolgist's offices and me on a course of action. I popped him with a large amount of heavy duty diuretic and potassium, but not without consequences. A "quick" trip to the Emergency room to semi-stabilize him lasting four hours with my ex-husband burning up minutes on my cell phone to call the squad. But for his comfort we (two daughters and myself) transported him via my van to the hospital.<br />
<br />
He was eventually released for home. It is his ultimate wish to die at home surrounded by things and people he knows and loves. I, being his Durable Power of Attorney for Health Care, made sure he would be released before I even took him. My girls and I know this, but I'm glad I have their support even though it is very difficult.<br />
<br />
So now he is in his own bed. I can't give him his Lasix because his blood pressure in only 50/20. He needs the fluids to maintain that blood pressure. He lost eight pounds of fluids yesterday with the Lasix and it only marginally reduced the extra fluids putting pressure on his heart, and filling and compressing his lungs. It's an oxymoron at best. <br />
<br />
Our youngest daughter stayed here last night to help me and allowed me to get some rest. So I'm doing well. Or as well as can be expected. The hospice admit nurse from my #2 daughter's job will be by today. It is time. Not because the end is imminent and we are not capable of handling what is needed, but it gives us a break.<br />
<br />
The girls will be by with the grandchildren like any other birthday. My husband will blow out his unlit candles because of the oxygen with his grandchildren's help. He'll eat maybe two bites of the cake and maybe a bite of his ice cream because it's required. We will try to make it a jovial event with this heavy cloud hanging over us. For the second time this will be done at his bedside. The first time he was in the hospital.<br />
<br />
Once again we take humor of the situation. In the past it has always been around a holiday and a Thursday that my husband has had a crisis event. Yesterday was time for an 11-year old joke. "It's Thursday, do you have gas in your car?" <br />
<br />
And the wait continues...<br />
<br />
<br />J.L. Murpheyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11782355786883006411noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7789228108250260519.post-20373259932211896952013-10-15T06:59:00.003-04:002013-10-15T06:59:56.157-04:00The Final GiftIt's no big secret to anyone following this blog that I've cut back
on my blogging. I've even changed what I do blog about and when except
for those blogs I'm committed to do. This is another of those times.<br />
<br />
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjXRLeGZ6lgQataoyUcMdHipM1PaHS-jcRrdzpYDrk06e3P3IatgsGKTr-s2svCFfQbtNNtEYzLN31e0_M_SXy3iLzTHOtyrf7c4YSwRktOVcHzXYHFC7fFYeONT_MgSQlJlNoVogJ-HLXM/s1600/goodbye-duck-sad-flowers.gif" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="200" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjXRLeGZ6lgQataoyUcMdHipM1PaHS-jcRrdzpYDrk06e3P3IatgsGKTr-s2svCFfQbtNNtEYzLN31e0_M_SXy3iLzTHOtyrf7c4YSwRktOVcHzXYHFC7fFYeONT_MgSQlJlNoVogJ-HLXM/s200/goodbye-duck-sad-flowers.gif" width="200" /></a></div>
For
the last couple months I've been struggling with the care of my
husband. For those who do know, he is terminal with a bad heart, bad
lungs, and cancer. Yes, he's been terminal for a long time...11 years
and counting.<br />
<br />
It's my anniversary today! Happy
Anniversary to us for passing the 21 year mark in spite of life's hard
knocks. That's what faith, forgiveness, and fortitude has done for us,
but I'm afraid this is coming to an end.<br />
<br />
No not divorce but death.<br />
<br />
My
husband's condition has rapidly deteriorated over the past year since
my stroke. He has honestly given his disease ravaged body a good fight
for staying with me. This year so far he has fought numerous bouts of
pneumonia and congestive heart failure. At the end he's bounced back,
but had not bounced back fully. Each time has taken its toll to the
point where there is almost nothing left.<br />
<br />
I watch him
struggle to draw a breath and stop breathing completely for a few
moments, and can see the truth. We've had the revolving door of in and
out of doctors' offices, the *ologist's brigade, over the past several
months to where we are all exhausted. All of it to hear the same thing,
""It's time."<br />
<br />
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgBxLrEVNwMk8fmC1W93hM3jTV1R3Wu4yr5-zWmsq7D2bHm_bmCOhJVh-svEujJPFuq8dgQQzA17a0SBCg-of_P56FrSsqAW8DZpXQC55ZVGcdzI3cftqmu6AlsQbln63JYjCGHwVHguNY5/s1600/praying-hands-20076.jpg" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" height="200" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgBxLrEVNwMk8fmC1W93hM3jTV1R3Wu4yr5-zWmsq7D2bHm_bmCOhJVh-svEujJPFuq8dgQQzA17a0SBCg-of_P56FrSsqAW8DZpXQC55ZVGcdzI3cftqmu6AlsQbln63JYjCGHwVHguNY5/s200/praying-hands-20076.jpg" width="156" /></a>They
all wonder why he is still breathing and talking. I wasn't sure myself,
but for years I've been praying for peace and comfort. I no longer pray
for healing. That has been given to us in spades although it might not
seem that way to most. I've been blanketed, no cocooned, in peace and
comfort that I've forgotten all my worldly training.<br />
<br />
This
week that revelation was brought home to me by my hospice nurse
daughter while we were discussing his condition. For the past month now,
my beloved has imposed on our children to take me out and do fun things
like the farmers trade and swap, movies, lunches etc. for several hours
a week. Another child, or grandchild, or extended family would sit with
him and take care of his needs. I couldn't see why he was doing it or
at least refused to see why.<br />
<br />
The reason was to get me
involved with life again. To make me realize that life goes on even
after death. It was his gift to me. My daughter said, "Mom, you need to
tell him that you will be fine without him. It's time to say goodbye."<br />
<br />
Now
I have counseled umpteen gazillion people to do the same thing. I've
even done it with family members like my mother, sister, assorted
others. I've counseled others as a nurse and a minister. <span style="color: red;">BUT it never dawned on me or recognized that it was time to do this with my husband. </span><br />
<br />
So
this week as I stroked his face and kissed his lips, I told him
goodbye. I will be fine that he could stop fighting. He could look into
my eyes and see it was the truth. I gave him permission to leave me
until we meet again. This was my final gift to him and there is nothing
more precious left to give.<br />
<br />
And now I wait, because I refuse to mourn his passing until he breathes no more.J.L. Murpheyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11782355786883006411noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7789228108250260519.post-63305951058976676382013-09-15T06:30:00.000-04:002013-09-15T06:30:02.552-04:00Grief-Upturn and Acceptance<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEimh-5P8N90l20mLiYaafVRnfmnp69iEy856phH1kLKAtpCoO5HkL_ZYAcoFYH03TbXWdrm8rJS-5-gIR8dqih7tCqDhiBwxLi2RJK-npU6jFnl9GszYoZ95oOvrRYQaAHxNlzgD4ZFiscU/s1600/acceptance3.jpg" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEimh-5P8N90l20mLiYaafVRnfmnp69iEy856phH1kLKAtpCoO5HkL_ZYAcoFYH03TbXWdrm8rJS-5-gIR8dqih7tCqDhiBwxLi2RJK-npU6jFnl9GszYoZ95oOvrRYQaAHxNlzgD4ZFiscU/s1600/acceptance3.jpg" /></a></div>
Today
is the last segment on grief. It is the upturn and acceptance.
Acceptance is the ultimate goal in your recovery process. I will say
this and I'll say it again. There is no cure for grief. It is forever,
just not as painful given time. With time it will not feel like someone
stabbing you with a knife and twisting it, but a sting like a mosquito.
Painful, but not as painful as before.<br />
<br />
I want to make
something clear to my readers also. I write this as counseling to make
you aware what is going on with you and that it's normal. While I use me
as an example, I've moved forward and onward. Yes, I have relapses from
time to time as do most folks recovering from a death or a stroke. Each
relapse is shorter in time than the last time. That is to be expected.
Read the above paragraph. It's a case of preacher heal thy self with
God's help and pass the knowledge on.<br />
<br />
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhYgy5SlpAN3jVx7D8rEq8HmDuvymlAduths-Jff-DfBi1G4lyWWDD28c9fuwnXiShO7QE1rYSvp-RHFikfX_3NKKR8fbYe8-z7PQwkWCAAUABOeJ9sx41FtA7NsN2z_8f4UDzi8nOkYRPG/s1600/acceptance_copy1.png" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" height="200" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhYgy5SlpAN3jVx7D8rEq8HmDuvymlAduths-Jff-DfBi1G4lyWWDD28c9fuwnXiShO7QE1rYSvp-RHFikfX_3NKKR8fbYe8-z7PQwkWCAAUABOeJ9sx41FtA7NsN2z_8f4UDzi8nOkYRPG/s200/acceptance_copy1.png" width="200" /></a>Yes,
I still revisit all the phases as time passes, but in acceptance you
realize that there are some things that are. It is reality and facing
your given situation. Yes, horrific things happen and it happened to
you. Things that you may contemplate for your worse enemy but in
actually never honestly wish it on another soul. There are consequences
to every action you take in this life and acceptance for your
circumstances is the key to recovery. Acceptance depends on your
willingness to move on. This is what cards you have been dealt in this
life. So what are you going to do about it? That is the one thing God
does not control and He left for us to decide...free will. It is our
choice how to live our lives.<br />
<br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjfwTRATiYifaryIiPkyOlX9k50GY52rmCZCfhkbctfNQ3Moq77Feax27_75i6q8HXuJDDQmF_t1PPkatpR_P9QGnz3RHDdGpKwjQyCY9_aJMpvqkE6djiOkXpM407lIY2mKpDFwaGr6U5T/s1600/acceptance-testing.jpg" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="187" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjfwTRATiYifaryIiPkyOlX9k50GY52rmCZCfhkbctfNQ3Moq77Feax27_75i6q8HXuJDDQmF_t1PPkatpR_P9QGnz3RHDdGpKwjQyCY9_aJMpvqkE6djiOkXpM407lIY2mKpDFwaGr6U5T/s200/acceptance-testing.jpg" width="200" /></a></div>
How
would you like to live your life? The choice is yours. Your present is
what you make it. Would you rather lives in the stinking quagmire of
guilt, denial, anger, and depression of memories of the past you and
longing to have it back? The past is past and baring some time machine,
we can't go back and change it. Or would you rather look to a brighter
tomorrow where you strive to get better? The choice is ultimately yours.<br />
<br />
For
me, I end my usual stroke survival posts with "nothing is impossible
with determination." I mean it. It's my way of looking to a brighter
future and I hope to impart that message on to you. I always look to the
light or brightness. Yes, there are a lot of dark times in my past and
my future, but I will always walk towards the light. There is always a
glimmer there in our souls just waiting for us to see it. You have to
want to see it and walk towards it to reach acceptance.<br />
<br />
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjwcpEeIbf33hFYwQGut9GWuUfG0mpDToj-kEBRhlMDACsPTi_cb1N59tU0epNjcgUPgELeKfiDDAShyphenhyphenrWWQXPFqAZ37qdiflTxhhU6JbXygqX4g-U_FskQtv1P5ph9rIQgPOPd7GLQaUEx/s1600/acceptance2.png" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" height="200" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjwcpEeIbf33hFYwQGut9GWuUfG0mpDToj-kEBRhlMDACsPTi_cb1N59tU0epNjcgUPgELeKfiDDAShyphenhyphenrWWQXPFqAZ37qdiflTxhhU6JbXygqX4g-U_FskQtv1P5ph9rIQgPOPd7GLQaUEx/s200/acceptance2.png" width="200" /></a>Another
thing I usually say on this blog is, "for right now." It's a
quantifying statement of acceptance. Everything in this life is
temporal. It's perception of what we are experiencing. The thing about
perception is that it is constantly changing with circumstances and
knowledge. My perception of life as a child is nothing like my
perception as an adult, or an elder person.It does not mean I will not
try to make it better. I am a mother and grandmother who will always try
to kiss it and make it better.<br />
<br />
Another reason for my
quantifying statement is while I accept the way I am this minute, I
refuse to give up hope for a better tomorrow. A tomorrow where I've
learned new adaptable helps or recover some of what I've lost. Life is
an ever evolving process. What is paramount today may not be tomorrow.
When you reach a level of complacency, events will always step forward
to disrupt it if you let it. When you've had the worse thing that you
can imagine happen to you, be aware there may be even worse things in
the future. But does that stop you from trying to live your life? No. So
long as you are breathing, there is hope for a better tomorrow.<br />
<br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjO0y1wQmGlM1NhTIjLC9YZrLOvfP1-d7ENkHiJy7FaM0ErMWcPW8RSuDNFjBlStICOFoZZcs13LuA1ZkMPhMIqvzfTYSaIcvzCMN10CTo6NO_7ZzqDEX-Ou_dW-0H0LhCP63mSqpOWNcs_/s1600/acceptance.jpg" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="128" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjO0y1wQmGlM1NhTIjLC9YZrLOvfP1-d7ENkHiJy7FaM0ErMWcPW8RSuDNFjBlStICOFoZZcs13LuA1ZkMPhMIqvzfTYSaIcvzCMN10CTo6NO_7ZzqDEX-Ou_dW-0H0LhCP63mSqpOWNcs_/s320/acceptance.jpg" width="320" /></a></div>
My prayers are heart felt for all of you that you reach a level of acceptance. Reach beyond
it. Never be complacent with life as you know it. Be aware of changes
that happen in your life have a purpose as a growth experience. And no, I
want no one to have to go through these trials for a growth experience,
but here we are. The question is, "What do you want your tomorrow to
be?<br />
<br />
Sometimes, all we can do is believe there is a better tomorrow. May your belief bring a better tomorrow.<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />J.L. Murpheyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11782355786883006411noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7789228108250260519.post-36283465711187549702013-09-08T06:30:00.000-04:002013-09-08T06:30:03.384-04:00Grief-Depression<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEivCp2gq3n5XvoX0Lx6Vw4dL_gHqJIdXewACR9pgkRiJw5TrakkDGbS_Njphlke_3h80IlBW3IM13JqzY7D2KInyEnLxWcRsy2NPB-RnMkmkYSnzRllPWo3qlD82loM7rdo8ap5kBq55J0Q/s1600/depression.png" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="200" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEivCp2gq3n5XvoX0Lx6Vw4dL_gHqJIdXewACR9pgkRiJw5TrakkDGbS_Njphlke_3h80IlBW3IM13JqzY7D2KInyEnLxWcRsy2NPB-RnMkmkYSnzRllPWo3qlD82loM7rdo8ap5kBq55J0Q/s200/depression.png" width="180" /></a>Welcome
to stage three of my series on grief counseling. Today's topic is
depression. Everyone gets depressed once in a while. If someone tells
you they've never been depressed and they are over the age of ten...THEY
ARE LYING.<br />
<br />
That's like the couple that say they never
argue. Someone is stuffing their feelings and they are not communicating
to each other. They are in big trouble.<br />
<br />
You've had a
significant loss in your life and it has changed forever. If there is
any more greater reason to be depressed, I can't think of one. Everyone
gets blue when thinking of what they've lost.<br />
<br />
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjBBE0Ff0U_EeXuTDrBTu9otw74tbZbxKabLqI1vTxssa81IBv5c12prAqUTiyp1pGBbMnKv1tE_FxLQza0VFFv66VD7RmBMLjZF02w3rwOf82EkLMqjRtv-TmRqEAFu-0Qlgfix4k8AQeS/s1600/depression.png" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjBBE0Ff0U_EeXuTDrBTu9otw74tbZbxKabLqI1vTxssa81IBv5c12prAqUTiyp1pGBbMnKv1tE_FxLQza0VFFv66VD7RmBMLjZF02w3rwOf82EkLMqjRtv-TmRqEAFu-0Qlgfix4k8AQeS/s1600/depression.png" /></a>Honestly,
I still get in a blue mood on August 2nd and November 19th, the
anniversaries of my mother's death and my son's. It's been 30 years for
one and 27 for the other. These were traumatic losses for me and those
dates will live forever in my brain until I die, maybe even after that.
Like I've said, there is no cure for grief only coping mechanics.<br />
<br />
You
feel a lack of energy. You cry a lot. You get angered easily and
inappropriately. Your blue. You may even think your life is over. You
may even think of suicide to end this pain and you lack the will to go
on. After all, everyone else would be better off without you putting
yourself and them through this. Did I hit a raw nerve or strike a chord
of truth with these statements?<br />
<br />
First, realize that
this is depression. It's a disease process. It's also a normal process
when faced with a loss. It's part of the cycle of grief. What I
mentioned earlier about getting blue is different than what I'm talking
about here. That's old healing, but a remembrance honoring a past hurt
and family in my life who have passed on. It doesn't fully impact my
daily life to the exception of all else. That is the huge difference.<br />
<br />
<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="float: left; margin-right: 1em; text-align: left;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg7Lx_qsX8ksltIooRAsEjf0iAdBXZBaS-wkS6YtVRr_LrrgtzPFn3ElhbZ6f-Bgcx6Yy8VG9Xa2jmYuTVZpq_7vu0VsqWR2DL85GLpK_YYrlafIHkMNwDt7i_46lASiFr483UyIls-PatA/s1600/keep-on-truckin.jpg" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="131" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg7Lx_qsX8ksltIooRAsEjf0iAdBXZBaS-wkS6YtVRr_LrrgtzPFn3ElhbZ6f-Bgcx6Yy8VG9Xa2jmYuTVZpq_7vu0VsqWR2DL85GLpK_YYrlafIHkMNwDt7i_46lASiFr483UyIls-PatA/s200/keep-on-truckin.jpg" width="200" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">allposters.com</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
With the current loss, everything is fresh and in
your face constantly. Every time you turn around you are repeatably
confronted by the loss. Yes, I'm still there after a year since my
stroke, but there is a new purpose in my life...moving past the loss. It
went from constant to intermittent and I will always have bouts with
it. There's not a day that goes by that I wished I had use of my arm and
hand back (especially for typing), or could walk again, or speak
normally, or return to my own, semi normal, old life. But it no longer
consumes every waking minute or thought. I am stringing words that make
sense and sentences. I am typing. Those are major milestones and should
be looked at as such. They are proving to me that I am moving on with my
life.<br />
<br />
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjlXea9h3GZzc1rSNlZ2I1NK74TKJaeTjIDl3n7LE3vvVq58jeCIZ9Ik83E4Wf5gUeh7NFRXUg9kl_l-ZthpYzf5UixnGMnQ-vcn3KfQM2DPBzo2aqmxpnyNuf0tV9cAcqP4SK3kDws-5v2/s1600/wake-up-early.jpg" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" height="132" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjlXea9h3GZzc1rSNlZ2I1NK74TKJaeTjIDl3n7LE3vvVq58jeCIZ9Ik83E4Wf5gUeh7NFRXUg9kl_l-ZthpYzf5UixnGMnQ-vcn3KfQM2DPBzo2aqmxpnyNuf0tV9cAcqP4SK3kDws-5v2/s200/wake-up-early.jpg" width="200" /></a>By
moving on and getting on with your life depression lessens. At first
you are going through the motions but with time, you are no longer an
automaton. You find yourself taking an interest in the things that you
are doing...you are healing. You are awaking after a deep slumber. You
may do this with drug therapy and professional counseling or you may do
it all on your own. Don't be ashamed of seeking help. You are taking
steps to get better. Admitting you need help is a big step in the
healing process. I, myself, am on an antidepressant. I originally, it
was prescribed to deal with my fibromyalgia, but it has also helped with
my depressive state after my stroke. No it doesn't account for my
mostly cheery disposition that's natural.<br />
<ul>
<li>Get together with friends and family for an outing. You may have to
force yourself. You may be surprised that you enjoyed yourself. Don't
feel guilty about this.</li>
<li>Go to church if this was your usual practice.</li>
<li>Find a new interest or hobby that you didn't do before. Even stop and notice how the trees move in the wind.</li>
<li>Fill your hours with busy work. Anything you can do without
thinking. You are not suppressing your grief only sidelining it for a
period of time. Be sure to set a time limit or you will be stuffing it.</li>
<li>What a comedy and laugh. Laughter really is the best medicine. I
remember when my mother died. All of were heart broken because we held
hope so tightly until the end. My sister brought up the memory of Mom
where she held out a finger shaking it when you were young saying, "You
no cry." It became a symbol that carried us through the tough days
ahead. It caused us all to chuckle at the memory. It still does.</li>
<li>Baby steps. You won't heal over night. You will not heal tomorrow,
but maybe in the months to come it will be there and take hold without
you even noticing it.</li>
</ul>
Remember everything in life is about baby steps. You have to
know how to balance the good and the bad. My children, now adults, say
when I threaten them, "Yeah, but I can outrun you now." And I usually
retort one of two things, "Yeah, but I can throw this cane like my old
police baton and trip you." Or but when I do catch you, I'll be busier
than a one legged woman in a butt kicking contest." I am a one
functional leg woman after all.<br />
<br />
I'll start you off. I dare you not to laugh or at least crack a smile at least one of these.<br />
<br />
<br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
</div>
<br />
I
saw that smile. Felt good didn't it? Right after my stroke I watched
AFV for weeks on end to learn how to laugh again through my depression.
Sometimes laughter is the only way to stop from crying.<br />
<br />
Remember
even your momma told you, "It's only a phase"? Depression is too. It's
part of the grief cycle. If it gets too bad don't hesitate to get help.
If you don't recognize it in yourself, listen to others around you. They
see it. In the grand scheme of things this is a pit stop and it will
get better although it might not seem like it. J.L. Murpheyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11782355786883006411noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7789228108250260519.post-71202096481499594982013-09-01T06:30:00.000-04:002013-09-01T06:30:02.736-04:00Grief and Anger<br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em; text-align: center;">
<img border="0" height="200" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgJ3BXBe1S3bJ2ctsaYeqiVNUkmYujrChWuMj7dbJJMsI3ax3E3s4SikIIyvuBk9lVbNaBSeBAmi2HA48fBIHh62oDuUcVlMNJygMShgTwaWqFXXaCFnJH8RqpgEYo3MnqYLbQoIvdeEulV/s200/devil-on-mans-shoulder.jpg" width="184" /></div>
<br />
For
today it's part two of the grief series that deals with anger. You know
that emotion where there's this devil on your shoulder poking you until
it overrides the angel whispering in your ear.<br />
<br />
After a death of a loved one, your emotions are raw and exposed for
all to see.<br />
<br />
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi2sWFPp7AuKX4DNil5IxamQtob-YxBGYGDKeTZ5eHFbwDLPi7WV5SHe_SGIBsP0lbp3Cubow-S4abXlG9D3FaJsH7Ad4rIdH4vc5-nrJhxIkP0LC771sgbQcMc5vG5fJ0uS_8lhomRkfZX/s1600/aggravation.jpg" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi2sWFPp7AuKX4DNil5IxamQtob-YxBGYGDKeTZ5eHFbwDLPi7WV5SHe_SGIBsP0lbp3Cubow-S4abXlG9D3FaJsH7Ad4rIdH4vc5-nrJhxIkP0LC771sgbQcMc5vG5fJ0uS_8lhomRkfZX/s1600/aggravation.jpg" /></a>Besides
this with the grief of loss, you become angry at everything. The dog
barks. The cat meows too loud. The kids drop a cotton ball on the floor.
Someone whispers "boo." Or nothing at all. It can turn you into a
screaming meme. It's all part of your grieving process. It's also one
that will revisit you periodically in years to come. Grief doesn't end,
but it does lessen over time. You learn to cope better the farther you
get from the incident. You won't stop missing what was lost ever, but
adapting to your new reality.<br />
<br />
You are walking down the hall and the toe of your shoes hits the floor wrong. The cat runs<br />
between
your legs and causes you to stumble or fall. You end up hitting your arm or leg
for not catching you. "Stupid! Useless things! Why did this happen to
me." You lash out at the first available thing. You aren't really angry
at that person or thing, it's just handily available. In the short term
this can be tolerated with open communication lines, but the long term
is a different story.<br />
<br />
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjgKE2Wa7RcWdBHZjnA9RjsOfeedOZwCO44EHsMBN0hwUHFFmii-6r8e9croEB5eH9WCy0lyWKHkEHjt0ltT3oYs_RlII4x1rVQSi_GSzzLcGeCtZa8NjOP0sceRPc6xFzwcjYzk2pwCek4/s1600/angry_emoticon.png" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="141" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjgKE2Wa7RcWdBHZjnA9RjsOfeedOZwCO44EHsMBN0hwUHFFmii-6r8e9croEB5eH9WCy0lyWKHkEHjt0ltT3oYs_RlII4x1rVQSi_GSzzLcGeCtZa8NjOP0sceRPc6xFzwcjYzk2pwCek4/s200/angry_emoticon.png" width="200" /></a>What
you are actually angry at is the loss. The fact that your comfortable
circumstances are forever changed and changed drastically. There's the
crux of the matter and if you are honest with yourself. You will see
the truth in the matter. It hurts your ego. Your life is changed from
comfort to uncertain. Your future is changed irrevocably. What you
thought about yourself has changed.<br />
<br />
People do not like change. People don't like adapting. For both of these statements I'll add ...<b>unless they have to.</b>
That is exactly what happened to you. You had to make a change not by
choice of want to or need, but had to. It's easy to blame someone or
something as the cause for this change. But ultimately it is only your
resistance to change that causes anger.<br />
<br />
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh7whs0WHoPNBCAuWxd220NN_jrnj-BwQbYN9yDw0R-pj8ENr8bH1UFMoVj9M_X7N-3I4U9YER4tBFdEGlK_WPT2yFiuKOlGOEv9YpKNU36tDe0HDcPQ1UBYG2wm-mLuJ5HXtrYXbfoGn28/s1600/temper-tantrum22.jpg" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" height="200" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh7whs0WHoPNBCAuWxd220NN_jrnj-BwQbYN9yDw0R-pj8ENr8bH1UFMoVj9M_X7N-3I4U9YER4tBFdEGlK_WPT2yFiuKOlGOEv9YpKNU36tDe0HDcPQ1UBYG2wm-mLuJ5HXtrYXbfoGn28/s200/temper-tantrum22.jpg" width="160" /></a>So
how do you break this cycle? What do you do with a child in the middle
of a temper tantrum? Well, you examine the cause. Can you change what
causes these outbursts? Absolutely! Granted you can't physically bring
back what you lost. No one can. No matter how much we beg and plead our
case. It happened. It's real.<br />
<br />
Now some coping skills to deal with your anger issues during grief.<br />
<ul>
<li>Take a minute to breathe and think before you act or in this case act out.</li>
<li>Examine to root of your anger and the real cause. Are you angry at yourself or something else.</li>
<li>Does the person you are directing your anger towards really deserve
it. Part of your mind will say yes but to the extreme you want in to
take it?</li>
<li>Realize that the anger you feel may be justified but gauge an appropriate response.</li>
</ul>
The fact is you are not a two-year old who can't express what
they need.Understand that anger is self feeding and self perpetuating. Refuse to play.<br />
<br />
<br />
If
your first impression is anger don't give in to the emotion. If you
need to absolutely vent your rage, do so in a pillow. Those around you
will greatly appreciate it. It also saves money for all the things you
didn't break. A mad at the world attitude gains you nothing but is
self-feeding and perpetuating. Make all around you aware that it's not
them but you before you vent to broach any misunderstandings.<br />
<br />
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiZbTIlkpTgb_nwB-N6uHm12XbC8K0hSSJFWL4r7Y6kune58rPswEcMCYMm_C4XN2G0fesLUBGtCZIbup48NKokc2xAjhlU1KP8p-l82ESMHK_UWP9OIr_myr3dn0XH_crFsvgl2guAAWX0/s1600/relapse.jpg" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="132" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiZbTIlkpTgb_nwB-N6uHm12XbC8K0hSSJFWL4r7Y6kune58rPswEcMCYMm_C4XN2G0fesLUBGtCZIbup48NKokc2xAjhlU1KP8p-l82ESMHK_UWP9OIr_myr3dn0XH_crFsvgl2guAAWX0/s200/relapse.jpg" width="200" /></a>Again
face the root for your anger. It's how you are adjusting to change with
all the frustrations it brings. Deal with the anger and vent if you
really need to. Be cautious though of lapsing back into the guilt trip
discussed last week. If you have lapses be the first to apologize to
those around you. Even a dog will wag its tail in response. It's time to
put your big boy panties and move on.<br />
<br />
Don't expect
knowledge to be an instance cure. There is none. Yes, you will relapse
into this stage many times during the coming months and years to come.
Accept it. Be forewarned that this might happen again and be on your
guard. You know the warning signs better than anyone else.<br />
<br />
So what are you really angry about? Isn't it all about you? Isn't it resisting or adapting to changes?<br />
<br />
Got Faith? Have none? Follow me. J.L. Murpheyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11782355786883006411noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7789228108250260519.post-30831235378922040782013-08-25T06:30:00.000-04:002013-08-25T06:30:00.318-04:00Grief~ Denial, Bargaining, and GuiltAs promised this is the first of my grief counseling for survivors. Not all the stages occur in order within your life and you
may experience several at the same time. The order is just a guideline.<br />
<br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj_ka9MquhBWZWjo7IL3xVILMpKqZlnsLJAs4YFIOhHW9Q9lfzCfUMzRP8RLFnPP7Mt2_mbAsaSf2CUBVt1R-KjGIRorp0QGLg19C64VLSBLR7uR6tiWZQIB6woQN4iZ9_Oc0Q2m1oU639_/s1600/denial1.jpg" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="150" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj_ka9MquhBWZWjo7IL3xVILMpKqZlnsLJAs4YFIOhHW9Q9lfzCfUMzRP8RLFnPP7Mt2_mbAsaSf2CUBVt1R-KjGIRorp0QGLg19C64VLSBLR7uR6tiWZQIB6woQN4iZ9_Oc0Q2m1oU639_/s200/denial1.jpg" width="200" /></a></div>
Today
is about denial, bargaining and guilt. Now don't say you are not going
through this because you are. You are just in denial. <G><br />
<br />
At
first denial is easy. I spent my first 24-hours in denial. I still go
to sleep each night, after a year, hoping to wake up in the morning and
finding this has been a bad dream similar to "Dallas." If you are not
familiar with this old television show, a whole season was choked up up a
bad dream sequence. Well, I can hope can't I. But the next morning I
awake and find it wasn't a bad dream. I could deny it all day long if I could lie
in bed not moving, thinking, or speaking not that it happens that way. I
can only play Ostrich with my head buried in the sand so long before I
have to roll over to shift positions or have to pee and then reality sets in. The empty side of the bed or chair.<br />
<br />
Eventually
nature will call and I'll have to put my AFO and shoes on to toddle off
to the toilet. It only works for the short term, but may be
intermittent and come and go. Something will always smack you in the
face with the reality of the situation.<br />
<br />
"No, I can do
it myself!" This statement is a form of denial. In reality, I can't do
it myself, but I've got to prove it to me. A painful thing for
caregivers to watch. It's a doubled edged sword which often has me in
tears of frustration when I finally get it through my thick skull that I
can't do it myself. I need the help of another soul to get through this. This has worked for me and against me.<br />
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhgWDQmH1EkGc94eMCAo_dzieP7PgRRFlJeZRGFa18YXGKZN35gZT2PvCN6qdQsUv4u-aIXV6uNTdEtM96XcrDSdpw0TzW_nwlpPkT6s8BW0Cf9WDybFpRjaWOksvag0EOV03UXRIIbMlj_/s1600/denial-edit2.jpg" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" height="196" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhgWDQmH1EkGc94eMCAo_dzieP7PgRRFlJeZRGFa18YXGKZN35gZT2PvCN6qdQsUv4u-aIXV6uNTdEtM96XcrDSdpw0TzW_nwlpPkT6s8BW0Cf9WDybFpRjaWOksvag0EOV03UXRIIbMlj_/s200/denial-edit2.jpg" width="200" /></a><br />
<br />
"I'm
not listening! LaLaLa!" and "Talk to the hand." When we refuse to
listen to others we only hurt ourselves. Sure they might not have the
answers either, but if all else fails, they are a sounding board.
Granted if you are in depression nobody can stand listening to grunt and
groan on the pity pot, but more on that later. Just know that denial is
a short protective mechanism of the mind. Realize this. Accept this.
Sometimes everyone needs small breaks from reality. Now if your denial
lasts for a prolonged period, professional help is advised.<br />
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgIw6pcem3yKmw8Oo0mBBkKc1N2jbRUNqFpbC5t40SoOZcnEVd34nFIh9LaXq6c1QrPinCDztaDk6Wh-f-d_6yhWEb9xwhXkuVFk7iOH2TSq41VnsbJqutPl9705tpO3_ZxoR5inJTUx2qD/s1600/beg-1.jpg" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgIw6pcem3yKmw8Oo0mBBkKc1N2jbRUNqFpbC5t40SoOZcnEVd34nFIh9LaXq6c1QrPinCDztaDk6Wh-f-d_6yhWEb9xwhXkuVFk7iOH2TSq41VnsbJqutPl9705tpO3_ZxoR5inJTUx2qD/s320/beg-1.jpg" width="153" /></a><br />
<br />
Bargaining-
"Lord, please take this burden from me. I'll do this or that better
from now on." Or something along these lines, is another natural stage
of grief. If you will do this, I'll do that. "I'll stop smoking, lose
weight, eat right, do what my doctor says, (insert your own bargaining
chip here) from now on, but just make it better."<br />
<br />
Honestly
we may mean them when we say them, but life has a way of interjecting
them back into our lives no matter how hard we try. It's an Indian
Giver's promise at best.<br />
<br />
After my stroke I promised to
stop smoking and then I was discharged home to a house full of nicotine.
I was almost violently ill just walking into it. All my clothes,
bedding, curtains, carpets, furniture, painted surfaces etc are drenched
with the stuff accumulated over the past fifteen years. So I puffed and
coughed through a cigarette to just be able to live in my house. I
haven't put them away yet.<br />
<br />
I started losing weight in
the hospital and continued after I got home. I was very incapable of
doing much besides the basics of self care. Meals were the TV dinner
types. The nuke and eat. Of course with all that processed food entering
my body, the weight inched back up. Having a bad heart doesn't help
when you can hold thirteen pounds of just extra fluids in your body at
any given time. It was frustrating at best. I zigzagged on the scales
not knowing if it was fluids or fat. I finally gave up. My allergies
went haywire during this time and I couldn't do anything about it.<br />
<br />
Starting
this Spring brought about better changes. I started gardening again to
reduce my allergens. But still my weight was at issue due to my heart.
Try as I might and with three cholesterol medicine I couldn't lower my
LDLs more than 50 points. I swore off red meats and eating animal based
protiens twice a week substituting bean curd, vegetables, and ate rich
HDL foods to no avail. It's heredity for me to have high bad
cholesterol.<br />
<br />
<span style="color: red;">So all in all bargaining and begging doesn't work. No amount of bargaining will change the outcome.</span><br />
<br />
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi-JBLkKQAm3ctFWRocv-T2-WtFeiqY5nMChJRmE2cyAf5v6ANZKjFHchQi3xJYuvGs0Mz7TiRViVa5cGCpoxQt67YYaLCH6aybjikqSMz6Lq3pszPC4onr-L5C_tMQs1ac_4Cz0Xr3nw9X/s1600/guilt.jpg" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" height="200" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi-JBLkKQAm3ctFWRocv-T2-WtFeiqY5nMChJRmE2cyAf5v6ANZKjFHchQi3xJYuvGs0Mz7TiRViVa5cGCpoxQt67YYaLCH6aybjikqSMz6Lq3pszPC4onr-L5C_tMQs1ac_4Cz0Xr3nw9X/s200/guilt.jpg" width="200" /></a>That
brings us to guilt. The what-ifs. Now I'm big on what-ifs as a writer.
Some of my best stories start off this way. Of course, we are our own
worse critics. Nobody can be as hard on
themselves as I can be. That's part of my stubborn nature. But all of us
have a stubborn streak. It's part of being human, but I got a triple
helping when God was handing out this one. I'm worse than a Jewish and
Catholic mother combined when it comes to guilt trips and I do it to
myself.<br />
<br />
If I had done this or that, this would not have
happened to me. The fact is, it probably would have. Guilt leads to
depression. Guilt leads to low self worth. Guilt leads to you not
fighting to get better. Guilt is the root of all evil thoughts and
actions.<br />
<br />
I had a physical therapist (not my regular
one) ask me this week if I did everything in my power to prevent this
stroke. I looked at her in shock. Now I had worked through my guilt
ridden stage before now so needless to say I didn't need an additional
thing to feel guilty about. She said I smoked so I didn't do everything
in my power to prevent a stroke. Did the woman fall off the sensitivity
truck? But like I always do, I pondered her words.<br />
<br />
I
thought back to my cousin Ricky who recently died from a stroke. He
lived a healthy life style. The number of babies die
yearly. They are innocents. Others who have no bad health habits who die young or old each year. No, I'm not helping my body by smoking. Yes,
it is a big no-no for people susceptible to stroke or had a stroke. I
accept that risk factor. <span style="color: red;">We all make choices. Accept the choices you
made and move on.</span><br />
<br />
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgEEFNYmfX3gGV7FyZEVvSb210j3NN0T4xuDuHWXYZ3jCnQwUso3ztVEUYSLgcY6briH_XvbBBvUSZldusUB1s7n1bylkA4Ezp3jMDIguEz92NGuVG4loS-cNJlPFIVNQhRvHBLqGEyDF-H/s1600/Worry2.png" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="183" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgEEFNYmfX3gGV7FyZEVvSb210j3NN0T4xuDuHWXYZ3jCnQwUso3ztVEUYSLgcY6briH_XvbBBvUSZldusUB1s7n1bylkA4Ezp3jMDIguEz92NGuVG4loS-cNJlPFIVNQhRvHBLqGEyDF-H/s200/Worry2.png" width="200" /></a>I'm
fond of saying, "Don't borrow trouble." Until the doctor pronounces the
big "C" word, don't worry the whole time while waiting for the results
for it to be cancer and how you will react. I got news for you. It won't
change the outcome. Guilt is an indicator that you've done something
wrong and deserve what is happening to you. Unless you've gotten behind
the wheel intoxicated, hit and harmed someone else, it just ain't your
fault! Yes, you could have done this or that differently but does it
really change what you are going through now? No, not a lick. This is
almost a part of bargaining.<br />
<br />
It's time to move on.
Accept what has happened as an unchangeable fact and go on from here.
Because in the grand scheme of your life, this is a small segment. It's
what you do from here on out that counts.<br />
<br />
Next Sunday is about Anger.J.L. Murpheyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11782355786883006411noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7789228108250260519.post-32334813836288803342013-08-18T07:00:00.000-04:002013-08-18T07:00:02.808-04:00Grief Counseling with a Twist<br />
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjlGzjj5OCzTqPdID3WvZDNquzPtaqU5wUVi_SHW4EH-FCrhtPaXaNIEvvBkGxC5bwGVL4Bva6MD-3i5L80KIxqBg4MTIBax4wSMUtmFojIk_syyA8-_0bW6XYIQN1mmSEoczqtH4knXJM/s1600/Grief.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="156" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjlGzjj5OCzTqPdID3WvZDNquzPtaqU5wUVi_SHW4EH-FCrhtPaXaNIEvvBkGxC5bwGVL4Bva6MD-3i5L80KIxqBg4MTIBax4wSMUtmFojIk_syyA8-_0bW6XYIQN1mmSEoczqtH4knXJM/s200/Grief.jpg" width="200" /></a></div>
Any time you suffer a significant loss or have a devastating event happen to you there is a sense of grief. It is not only a death. It can be a mini death of sorts. For me, the latest besides bereavement for a close cousin, Ricky, and has been an ongoing struggle with grief because of my stroke. And yes, it has been over a year since my stroke. I am doing a similar blog on my <a href="http://jomurphey.blogspot.com/" target="_blank">writer's blog</a> for stroke survivors on Sundays. For here it's for survivors.<br />
<br />
I've actually mentioned the
stages of grief in various blogs but I don't think I've ever broken it
down like this before. I do know that I charged $100 for grief
counseling sessions that lasted twelve weeks in my ministry profession.
This is a gimme course that is free so take advantage of it.<br />
<br />
So
over the next five weeks I'm going to explain to you the stages as it
pertains to your recovery. I will give real world examples of
what I've gone through, coping skills, and exercises for you to do to
gain a level of acceptance in conquering each step. After all, knowledge
is power and control. It is something we as survivors rarely
feel until we work through the process. Understanding is the key. Think
you've mastered it all? You've been a survivor for multiple years and
this doesn't pertain to you, think again. I've met dozen of survivors
still grappling with these after ten or twenty years. Am I
through it all? Yes and no. I'm still bouncing around the steps taking
victories where I can as a stroke survivor. There is no quick or easy fix.<br />
<br />
I've spent years in grief
counseling both as a grief stricken person and as a counselor. So
needless to say, I recognized it in my own stroke recovery as well. Grief is an individual process. Your success depends on you. <br />
<br />
The Stages<br />
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiXBEoG1JjraTuZYjzU_tlBsgnmQc4Zm31a0i6jWMNX7q6V2hivJwLBlcuMgCoAADsiqAKYPzPws1eRrSqaevGfjzVjJ8h48RusIhHUIF6vWWrhAFOooR0c3J65w1imgPxiR5zBBU2nq_HJ/s1600/StagesGraph.jpg" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="157" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiXBEoG1JjraTuZYjzU_tlBsgnmQc4Zm31a0i6jWMNX7q6V2hivJwLBlcuMgCoAADsiqAKYPzPws1eRrSqaevGfjzVjJ8h48RusIhHUIF6vWWrhAFOooR0c3J65w1imgPxiR5zBBU2nq_HJ/s320/StagesGraph.jpg" width="320" /></a></div>
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And if you want to carry it farther into seven steps, you can.<br />
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhJ00ApqK4CzVDIdr676-JCNXZjDxGM6S1V4OiJHRSKS2GmsUQG8uB6SVm0UX_UfMuoqT_1iPRfs-jgg4sgKwa3zNGqD5-toUUIkyD49qxAOg883MFrrQ9ulXNOOgDlQw8mJUXnE8aTVPHR/s1600/stages-of-grief.jpg" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="240" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhJ00ApqK4CzVDIdr676-JCNXZjDxGM6S1V4OiJHRSKS2GmsUQG8uB6SVm0UX_UfMuoqT_1iPRfs-jgg4sgKwa3zNGqD5-toUUIkyD49qxAOg883MFrrQ9ulXNOOgDlQw8mJUXnE8aTVPHR/s400/stages-of-grief.jpg" width="400" /></a></div>
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Both
apply in a case like a stroke. I usually combine Shock and Denial, and
Bargaining and Guilt, the Upturn, Reconstruction with Acceptance. So my
version is five steps while taking the seven into consideration. Now
with death this process takes roughly a year to complete or maybe a
little longer. With stroke recovery it may takes years! You may bounce
between levels or be on multiple levels at the same time and you may
gain acceptance in certain areas faster than others. It is not a linear thing or happen within the order given.<br />
<br />
Why should survivors care about this? The ultimate of ultimates of recovery is to be...<br />
<ul>
<li> the best you can be given the circumstances</li>
<li>a more proactive survivor</li>
<li>aware that this is going on and it's normal. Isn't it nice to be considered normal. <g></li>
<li>forewarned is forearmed</li>
</ul>
Knowledge is power. Foresight is awesome. Being prepared is
everything. Tune in next week for the first installment...Shock and
Denial. These will appear Sunday morning as well here.<br />
<br />
Keeping faith and sharing the blessings.J.L. Murpheyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11782355786883006411noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7789228108250260519.post-65975608930471956652013-06-27T06:15:00.000-04:002013-06-27T06:15:07.274-04:00My Opinion ~ Paula DeenI usually stay away from controversial subjects on this blog, but this is one I couldn't let go.<br />
<br />
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgNyAZlL4P__ucuw6KV-IDZg4YsrqSjcCR0lGRp3qS7crREdt4tIU7wRdmxoKlOTLkU2Fyi0L1k31UkMHJnCFTEgMpbwab9XgwEzomSxeU2n7mPRln2jxJ5vqJgETOL6BpbNMIC8fnhf8hG/s1600/paula+deen.jpg" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="150" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgNyAZlL4P__ucuw6KV-IDZg4YsrqSjcCR0lGRp3qS7crREdt4tIU7wRdmxoKlOTLkU2Fyi0L1k31UkMHJnCFTEgMpbwab9XgwEzomSxeU2n7mPRln2jxJ5vqJgETOL6BpbNMIC8fnhf8hG/s200/paula+deen.jpg" width="200" /></a></div>
I
live just 72 miles south of Paula Deen and her restaurants. I have
children who live in Savannah. I have met her on several occasions over
the years before and after her Food Network fame. Like her or don't like
her is your choice. With her, it's what you see is what you get just
like me.<br />
<br />
While I might not agree with her on various
cooking styles we respect each other.The current hype is her using the N
word to describe a black person THIRTY years ago and under duress. All I
gotta say is give me a break and cut her some slack.<br />
<br />
What southern person over the age of fifty has not used that word once in their life? Even my unracially
prejudice mother in law has said it, it is currently used by teens, and
even I've said it once or twice in my lifetime. I'm far from prejudice
or racially bias being nonwhite myself.<br />
<br />
The points...<br />
<ul>
<li>She was traumatized at the time. Having a gun pointed in your face would kinda do that, don't you think?</li>
<li>It was THIRTY years ago</li>
<li>She could have lied under oath. It wouldn't be the first time someone did it, but she didn't.</li>
<li>Does
her use of that one word damn her for all time, it shouldn't. We all
say things that we don't really believe or mean at times.</li>
</ul>
I've
watched the story progress because it is close to home. Not because
it's how the mighty fall from grace. She's lost her job with Food
Network because of it. She's lost sponsors because of it (Smithfield,
WalMart). Granted, it's a small chink in the armor of her multi million
dollar enterprise, but still it's asinine. <br />
<br />
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg3SuOlmGQkeCV1KsWINgMFjpHU3gpgc3ZYVotqBbg0AaYuw17jFdMK9bUwW_WdoWW56C6-9AoX2MLggl97dkw-n1PsxRqQ7WJXbok4cVwsp6A57O8OW7XPMYlqnOh2heItdRdWJlnDIJ2X/s1600/n+word.jpg" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" height="200" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg3SuOlmGQkeCV1KsWINgMFjpHU3gpgc3ZYVotqBbg0AaYuw17jFdMK9bUwW_WdoWW56C6-9AoX2MLggl97dkw-n1PsxRqQ7WJXbok4cVwsp6A57O8OW7XPMYlqnOh2heItdRdWJlnDIJ2X/s200/n+word.jpg" width="200" /></a>The NAACP has a campaign going to bury the N word, but lately I've heard it said by
persons of color mostly to describe each other. Isn't that an oxymoron?
If it's wrong to say, isn't it wrong for everyone to say it? Where is
the prejudice or racial bias now? When you hold one race to a different
standard than your own, isn't that what the Civil Rights Amendment was
all about? Equality for all not dependent on race, sex, or religion?<br />
<br />
I'm
not saying her use of the N word was right because wrong is wrong, but
to punish her for the slur now after THIRTY years is ridiculous. It has
no bearing on her present day status. At the time, she was a single
mother of two trying to make ends meet just like the rest of us. Why
must we tear down the successful to make us feel better?<br />
<br />
I
don't hide to fact that I was a drug addict or alcoholic in my
twenties. Now looking back as I approach my seventies, do I regret it?
Nope, I've used that experience to move on and help others. That is far
more damaging for a minister and semi-public figure than using the N
word. We all have a history and a past. We've all said and done things
in our past that we might not be particularly proud of in our past. Let
it go and move on. Even Christ said, "Go and sin no more."<br />
<br />
Just my quarter for my thoughts.<br />
(It used to be a penny but with time and inflation it raised in value) J.L. Murpheyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11782355786883006411noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7789228108250260519.post-74338657169855601942013-06-11T08:51:00.000-04:002013-06-11T08:51:16.639-04:00Condolences and a Prayer Request<table cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="float: left; margin-right: 1em; text-align: left;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjCZRVqb5MK1b0hgKLHBvKMzjHq10JmpNWO2DSya90PlddC-GneOg6G2BUa5ZHn5UtaCZpHZRKWgSsqlk3Fr04rgXZ60zUFAAwWBbFGaa5dYtJEVdzX5ylxHuFcva9LEk35jqJ7GbmDsC9Z/s1600/Rick_Mefford_Clan.jpg" style="clear: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="200" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjCZRVqb5MK1b0hgKLHBvKMzjHq10JmpNWO2DSya90PlddC-GneOg6G2BUa5ZHn5UtaCZpHZRKWgSsqlk3Fr04rgXZ60zUFAAwWBbFGaa5dYtJEVdzX5ylxHuFcva9LEk35jqJ7GbmDsC9Z/s200/Rick_Mefford_Clan.jpg" width="160" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Rick's family in 2003</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
After I finished posting yesterday, I got a call from my Aunt Viv. My cousin Ricky had a massive stroke.<br />
<br />
Now
Ricky and I go way back to the cradle almost. He's the same age as my
little sister, Janet. Every time we were in country we always stopped at
Uncle Ferdy's house before visiting my grandmother.<br />
<br />
When we arrived in the States after the fiasco in Ceylon in 1971, that family was the first to welcome us home.
We were shell shocked and exhausted both mentally and physically. I
remember well how Uncle Ferdy's boys drew us out into some sort of
normalcy instead of constantly looking over our shoulders for people
trying to kill us. Yes, a lot of <b>Escape from Second Eden</b> is factual and really happened.<br />
<br />
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiJcg04RQK5Yx1PA_9fvhSoi4yTrORwUZwthoSRzXIQjKN1jSqetfHrahhj2eK_CoXo6dS4szq-GM1WwMZG_xxGuYPERZDVi3YT2gUDhmoT1D4BGPGkkmrzlaqRJaW69HVVdxLnDGqdimVA/s1600/elephant+hair+ring.jpg" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" height="175" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiJcg04RQK5Yx1PA_9fvhSoi4yTrORwUZwthoSRzXIQjKN1jSqetfHrahhj2eK_CoXo6dS4szq-GM1WwMZG_xxGuYPERZDVi3YT2gUDhmoT1D4BGPGkkmrzlaqRJaW69HVVdxLnDGqdimVA/s200/elephant+hair+ring.jpg" width="200" /></a>Between
playing hoops, which now I'm not sure I won all those games against the
boys fair and square, and exploring excavation sites, they drew us out
and started the healing process. I'll be forever grateful to all of them for that. I
lost my lucky elephant hair ring on one of those excursions. Ricky
promised to keep looking for it even after we left. He never found it. <br />
<br />
I
was planning to go down to Jacksonville and play cheerleader for him
this weekend. The first road trip for me alone since my stroke. Each day
I am thankful to be alive and still able to hug my children and
grandchildren since my stroke. I'm constantly reminded of those who are
not able to do that. One third of the million plus a year who suffer
strokes are not here anymore. I am, for all my griping and complaining,
one of the lucky ones. I am a survivor who can relearn what I lost.<br />
<br />
I
went to the family website, since we are all stretch across this
country and a few others, and read where he had died just after
midnight. My heart is heavy for his wife, three daughters, and
grandchildren today.<br />
<br />
Please send a prayer of comfort for the family he left behind.J.L. Murpheyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11782355786883006411noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7789228108250260519.post-10675534097722178742013-06-10T06:30:00.000-04:002013-06-10T06:30:03.651-04:00Nothing is Impossible and Choices ~ Resignation<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjxpx0X-cuLt4l17PjeRVBAB2K8fnFEat8kBtrrjZ0Lnzm3rq8-9e_711AM9E9OaQ6I5LI45sjt8rryNYUTMPeBLxQnInh8eUiU-aCUWIVNVs5IcOtXpXT7wYB1Du_4g1OQsYtNyfbANjM/s1600/determination.stone_.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="118" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjxpx0X-cuLt4l17PjeRVBAB2K8fnFEat8kBtrrjZ0Lnzm3rq8-9e_711AM9E9OaQ6I5LI45sjt8rryNYUTMPeBLxQnInh8eUiU-aCUWIVNVs5IcOtXpXT7wYB1Du_4g1OQsYtNyfbANjM/s200/determination.stone_.jpg" width="200" /></a></div>
This is in part a carry over from my writing <a href="http://www.jomurphey.blogspot.com/" target="_blank">blog</a>. What does the belief "nothing is impossible," and "The choice to do or don't" have to do with Christianity?<br />
<br />
<span style="font-size: large;">Everything.</span><br />
<br />
But I will add two deviations here on this blog...Nothing is impossible with determination and faith in the Almighty, and the choice to do or don't is a gift from God called free will.<br />
<br />
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi96lFKWwjWggGtVwUZNtSdOjW-7gldMGAdMKf5X18nHf5HztQZOGHMPLvS9o8Qz84sxBuqOsB_vo0LagyzSXDvWd4juwL8c9uz7R2MgdaMX5Qffz9uujCuUWSirpY6Me2d16RHKT111ec/s1600/thumbs+down.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" height="200" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi96lFKWwjWggGtVwUZNtSdOjW-7gldMGAdMKf5X18nHf5HztQZOGHMPLvS9o8Qz84sxBuqOsB_vo0LagyzSXDvWd4juwL8c9uz7R2MgdaMX5Qffz9uujCuUWSirpY6Me2d16RHKT111ec/s200/thumbs+down.jpg" width="124" /></a>In my last blog I expanded on belief systems and that even atheists had faith. I know some of you think I was being sacrilegious by saying that. I do read your emails. But basically, I stand on my beliefs. They may not be your beliefs, but I'll allow your choice to see things differently. It is the free will I spoke about above. If God ordained it, who am I to argue?<br />
<br />
Nothing is impossible with the faith in God. We may not have the big picture of our lives as God sees it. When my mother was dying of cancer, I prayed feverishly and constantly for God to restore her health. I did this selfishly because I didn't want to lose my mother to heaven. But I actually started listening to her. Her greatest wish was for her to sit on her Big Daddy's lap and talk about all her unanswered questions.<br />
<br />
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhElAb4OrpJ9N-g6H-enfyD6_ebYAO8_yhiG8TBCpeQlkp3XwwLpSWL7Ct-VccYYCeSuW0PBW1LEZPBADIw73mvxN781fLdhkKeqtWijsPvksTACWQQsVyZ6yxpCOlkr1sT0bUNiqCCEDg/s1600/praying-hands-20076.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="200" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhElAb4OrpJ9N-g6H-enfyD6_ebYAO8_yhiG8TBCpeQlkp3XwwLpSWL7Ct-VccYYCeSuW0PBW1LEZPBADIw73mvxN781fLdhkKeqtWijsPvksTACWQQsVyZ6yxpCOlkr1sT0bUNiqCCEDg/s200/praying-hands-20076.jpg" width="156" /></a></div>
At that point my prayers changed. I prayed for the Holy Spirit to comfort me and mine for the times that would surely come when He took her Home. And come they did, she died within thirty days. The child in me, strove with determined effort to keep her with me, but the faithful side of me realized the truth.<br />
<br />
Free will is a double edged sword. When we make choices in our lives as Christians, we judge the goodness or badness of that decision by our Spirit. If it is a good choice, the Spirit will give comfort and further insight to face what comes. If the choice is bad, our Spirit will quake and doubts will set in.<br />
<br />
I have come to realize, wisdom born of pain, that even when we make bad choices hope remains. Yes, there will be consequences for the bad choice, but in the overall scheme of things faith will carry you though. God is forever faithful.J.L. Murpheyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11782355786883006411noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7789228108250260519.post-73708612344288148372013-05-19T07:01:00.001-04:002013-05-19T07:01:30.250-04:00By Whatever NameI know it's been a while since I posted. The entire month of April and half of May zipped by with life getting in the way of me posting, but not my faith although it has taken some bad blows. But I'm still here. <br />
<br />
The key to doing anything in life is to keep going. If you've read my
blog for any length of time you may have found out a few things about
me...<br />
<ul>
<li>I believe in a higher power</li>
<li>I'm too stubborn to give up</li>
<li>I'm too mean to let sleeping dogs lie</li>
<li>Nothing is impossible</li>
</ul>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjAHSgKAosJzCPiji5eH_HwFOWUD8FItX-moGqsWOnKqPX_wpWfwJ-5n6ZPQM9jEQxHTXo49Zy-zY5bnhz212LL7WQ0dEKVFhQVmO1ZBL3n9CawWzdkudWZaN1T8t-fvjol_4e5Zm5Wr_Y/s1600/Whats-in-a-Name.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjAHSgKAosJzCPiji5eH_HwFOWUD8FItX-moGqsWOnKqPX_wpWfwJ-5n6ZPQM9jEQxHTXo49Zy-zY5bnhz212LL7WQ0dEKVFhQVmO1ZBL3n9CawWzdkudWZaN1T8t-fvjol_4e5Zm5Wr_Y/s320/Whats-in-a-Name.jpg" width="320" /></a></div>
Yes,
I'm a Christian by choice. I've studied a multitude of religions over
my decades on this earth. And whether you call that higher power-Jesus,
Yhwh, Buddha, Mohammed, or by any other name you are still a believer.
Even an atheist believes something...there is no God. From that belief,
you gain power and faith in your conviction. Sounds strange from a
minister right? I believe in love and commitment in whatever form it
takes. I don't point fingers and say you are wrong. Who am I to judge others?<br />
<br />
<span style="font-size: large;"><b>Nobody, that's who.</b></span><br />
<br />
I have a set of beliefs in place that works for me. In the grand scheme of things, isn't that what really matters?<br />
<br />
I will talk and befriend homosexuals, adulterer, fornicators, atheists, and a host of others. Isn't that what Christ did? I will them them my point of view, based on my belief system in place that I believe that if they continue in their practice, they will go to hell. Yes! If they can get past that, then a friendship can develop. I simply do not judge the behaviors of others.<br />
<br />
I know the Bible teaches, "Cast not your pearls before swine" and "...brush the dust from your sandals," but if I were to to do that would cause me to judge. As a Christian in a world of sin, I lead by example. In my belief system, the number one priority is ...love one another. I also know that change begins within. I cannot change anyone. I can only show them the way.J.L. Murpheyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11782355786883006411noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7789228108250260519.post-16223781866503712462013-03-30T07:31:00.002-04:002013-03-30T07:31:26.781-04:00Food for Thought ~ BlessingsAs you face the adversities of life, remember God is WITH you. I watched this beautiful video on the Stroke Tattler blog on Blogspot this morning and had to share. I couldn't have said it better myself. Even though it is titled <b><i>Secrets of Old Age</i></b>, it's a lesson we all should keep in mind daily. Enlarge it to full screen because some of the words are <span style="font-size: xx-small;">tiny</span>.<br />
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Be blessed, oh Blessed be.</div>
J.L. Murpheyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11782355786883006411noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7789228108250260519.post-74408411299848548802013-03-14T08:02:00.002-04:002013-03-14T08:02:22.427-04:00Today, I was going through my blog roll and hit a "friend" who was in turmoil. <a href="http://lesism.blogspot.com/2013/03/facing-my-greatest-fear.html?utm_source=feedburner&utm_medium=feed&utm_campaign=Feed%3A+blogspot%2FBRQoC+%28Lesism+-+by+Les+Floyd%29http://lesism.blogspot.com/2013/03/facing-my-greatest-fear.html?utm_source=feedburner&utm_medium=feed&utm_campaign=Feed%3A+blogspot%2FBRQoC+%28Lesism+-+by+Les+Floyd%29" target="_blank">Les Floyd </a>is facing the demise of his mother.<br />
<br />
I have to say that I've walked in his shoes. Losing a parent is everyone's greatest fear who's had a loving parent. Now for the rest of the story...<br />
<br />
The
year was 1988. My mother had a sore throat and went to her family
practice doctor. No big deal, right? The doctor looked down her throat,
felt her lymph nodes, and palpated around her throat and then focused
his attention on her thyroid. He focused so long on the area her skin
had actually started to turn red.<br />
<br />
Concerned, I asked
him what he was feeling. He said their was a knot about the size of a
kernel of popcorn. He invited me to feel and sure enough, there was one.
Given my mother's history, surviving the Nagasaki atomic bomb, he
recommended a surgical consult. He would have done the surgery himself
but he was healing after a broken hip fracture from a car accident.<br />
<br />
So
off we went to the surgeon. The surgeon diagnosed it as a thyroid
goiter and my mother left armed with a prescription for iodine tablets.
We all breathed a sigh of relief that it wasn't cancer which killed 100%
of all atomic blast survivors. At that time we trusted doctors. After
all, they spent years in school learning so they had to be smarter than
us, right? Wrong with deadly consequences.<br />
<br />
Three months
later, we were back in the family practice doctor's office for a
routine appointment. He look at her neck expecting to see a scar which
there was none. He felt her neck and excused himself. He must of went
straight to his office and got on the phone to the surgeon because we
could hear him yelling. The words that engraved themselves on my mind
forever more were, "incompetence," "larger," and "surgery now."<br />
<br />
We were living in a dream world of hunky- dorry
for three months believing this other doctor. Now all my fears were
realized and soon would be fact. My mother underwent surgery for a
thyroid removal within a week. I was at work in the E.R. The surgeon
came and found me. I had been dealing with doctors for almost twenty
years at this point and one look at his face and I knew all had not gone
well.<br />
<br />
"We have to wait for the report, but the tumor
has invaded her thyroid, parathyroid, and her larynx. I scraped what I
could off the larynx to save her voice."<br />
<br />
Wait a minute.
We went from a simple thyroid goiter to tumor that invaded? The big "C"
now entered the picture. His next words were lost for the most part in
my brain while it muddled through the information I was given. All
except his words, " I'm sorry. I should have listened better."<br />
<br />
He
walked back to post-op and his next surgery while I was left with my
new awakening. I made two calls before I returned to work. The first one
was to my father at work and I filled him in on what the surgeon said.
The next one was to my family practice doctor. I have to say after that I
buried myself in my work trying not to think of the consequences of the
surgeon's words.<br />
<br />
By the time I got off work, a plan of
action was formed but I needed to talk to my family first. We had
wasted three month already and could not waste anymore time. My mother
would remain in the hospital for further tests instead of being released
the next day. I went ahead and made all the arrangements because I knew
my father or mother wouldn't object. That was one perk of working at
the hospital, I had abundant resources available.<br />
<br />
Thyroid
cancer is one of the easiest forms of cancer to cure when it is caught
early. In three months we'd gone from a kernel of popcorn to metastasis.
So regardless of what the pathology report showed, it was time for
action and fast. Decision had to be made and questions answered from my
family. I knew they were counting on me. It was a two-ton boulder of
weight resting on my shoulders.<br />
<br />
The first reaction from my
father, sisters and brothers was shock. Then came the questions but I
was armed with some answers. My father was grateful. Then came the
flurry of trips daily to the Mayo clinic in Jacksonville, seventy-five
miles one-way away. Another surgery and heavy duty radiation treatments
for three more months.<br />
<br />
Finally we were were referred to
a local oncologist. "Thirty to sixty days." Despite all our efforts the
metastasis had invaded her lungs fully, wrapped itself around her
carotid artery and her brain. Now all that was left was the death vigil
by the family except for me. I was the nurse and caregiver. I arranged
the morphine, delaudid and phenegran.
I gave the injection, monitored vital and conditions, and only cried
when I was in my bed alone at night for a few short hours. I had quit my
job at the hospital because when working with cancer patients in
post-op circumstances, I couldn't keep my personal life from invading my
professional one plus my mother and family needed me.<br />
<br />
I
pushed all feelings aside while dealing with my family and my mother's
care. I stuffed my emotions and became a automaton doing what needed to
be done. My family leaned on me for support so I had to keep it
together. Until the day finally came to past.<br />
<br />
I
received a call from my father who had taken my mother to our family
doctor for an insertion of a peg tube for feeding. I had spent hours
during my mother during her lucid periods explaining the benefits. We
had spent many hours discussing what she wanted and didn't want. A Do
Not Resistant order was written and signed. I knew her wishes.
Discussions about organ donation and who got what of her personal
belongings. In reality they were snippets of conversations over days.
Nothing personal about my feelings for her, it was basically clinical
and social work.<br />
<br />
On the day of her doctor's appointment
I had a parent- teacher conference and some other things to do that
couldn't wait another minute to be resolved. At the time my mind was
going a million miles a second and I was slightly irritated that my
father couldn't handle one simple thing without me until he said, "Your
mother stopped breathing."<br />
<br />
In disbelief, I asked a
bunch of questions and I realized he was crying. The child in me got
scared. I'd only seen my father cry on two occasions. Him being a former
Marine and a man, real men didn't cry. He said she started breathing
again on her own and was transported to the ER.<br />
<br />
I
quickly arranged for someone to watch my children and drove to the
hospital. The ER doctor pulled me aside and showed me her x-ray of her
lungs. How she had kept breathing was a mystery to me because she only
had quarter sizes pieces of lungs that were not consumed by the cancer.
He suggested this and that which I refused because she didn't want it.<br />
<br />
The
hardest moment came when my father with tears in his eyes said,
"Please, Joey let them do it." I had tears in my eyes when I shook my
head no. If this was the last thing a child could do for her mother, I
was going to respect her wishes. She didn't want a ventilator. I brushed
her bangs out of her eyes, applied the ointment in her eyes and taped
them shut. When another nurse tried to interfere, one look told her to
back off. She was admitted to a room upstairs to finish the waiting
game.<br />
<br />
I went home after giving the hospital a copy of
her living will with instructions to call me before doing anything else
to her. I knew the nurses on the floor would do it and offer compassion
to my father while he waited beside her bed. I was one of them. I would
do the same if the situation had been reversed. Now I had to go home and
prepare my children for their grandmother's death. It wasn't a question
of when, it was a surety within twenty-four hours. I had heard the
death rattle in each breath she took before I left.<br />
<br />
When
the phone rang at 4 AM I knew before I picked up the receiver. She was
gone. My husband tried to hold me, but I shook him off, got dressed and
drove to the hospital. Her fight was over. It took me until right after
the funeral to finally be the child who lost their mother. I exploded
with anger fueled by grief at my father how I had been voluntarily
forced into the role of constant caregiver and decision maker
squandering the little time I had left with my mother.<br />
<br />
"Joey, I never realized. You're too damned dependable," he told me after I helped him up from the physical punch I'd gave him.<br />
<br />
You
know what. He's right. I'm too damned dependable, and still am. But
lesson learned, I realized how short life really was. My mother was only
fifty-six when she passed this life for the next. Never again would I
let circumstances stand in the way of letting everyone know how I really
feel. Never.Now you know the rest of the story. Now you know why I'm the way that I am.J.L. Murpheyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11782355786883006411noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7789228108250260519.post-37825188336853183172013-03-04T07:43:00.001-05:002013-03-04T07:43:38.051-05:00Adversity and Hope<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgp0H3Hce5ubdeJtM2mNtwIJ0yWR2BoJsGaskbzjlQKavGUpdbxalc9wG2-Q_ixxsSAKdM8cQPr5rpWJek6WyYImGctGkmo2KmhFmNO2oxzXuJ3atQQMFq0OxW2eLBBbMBhok0Ox95hRps/s1600/advesity.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgp0H3Hce5ubdeJtM2mNtwIJ0yWR2BoJsGaskbzjlQKavGUpdbxalc9wG2-Q_ixxsSAKdM8cQPr5rpWJek6WyYImGctGkmo2KmhFmNO2oxzXuJ3atQQMFq0OxW2eLBBbMBhok0Ox95hRps/s1600/advesity.jpg" /></a></div>
We all face adversity at sometimes in our lives. It is what we do when faced with the trials that defines us.<br />
<br />
I, myself, am going through one now as God teaches me patience. My stroke was devastating to me because God put me in a box. I couldn't move, literally and figuratively, in any direction. The things I loved doing were taken away except reading. Of course my ability to read was in tact, I couldn't read His Word if it wasn't. That alone was a Saving Grace.<br />
<br />
Remember I said that I don't go out and publicly seek those who need God, but God has His way of putting them in my path? A case in point even now. Recently, I met another soul going through an adversity. He was raising a son with cerebral palsy. This son had a dream to go to college. Like any good father, Nick, sought to support his dream. Same as our Heavenly Father does with all of us.<br />
<br />
Now, Nick being a writer and blogger reached out to his readers, writers, and fellow bloggers with a plan to fulfill his son's dream. He organized a blog hop asking fellow blog writers to post on how they overcome adversity in their life. Since I do this regularly on this and my other blog for <a href="http://jomurphey.blogspot.com/" target="_blank">writers</a>. I gave him permission to waive the copyright on my blogs to use which ever one he wanted. He published a book where the proceeds go to pay for his son's college. It launches today!<br />
<br />
Now inspiration comes from all sources, but ultimately it comes from God. Remember when God or Satan closes a door, Our Father always opens a window. Sometimes this window is a book written by others that shows you the way.<br />
<br />
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhU_IK_tbm0NQB6aAu0sQKwhyphenhyphenGH3y4-GN8n4cbIWLYIKFCXyoTIB-CtdEkjQj-sJx1bkjaf0SJsHz2GR_v9m3hjwd0yqp1R0vw3k1EfP7kz0Ym7NZUGYiKFfzFENMLQQ14FSDE9whjsDTU/s1600/overcoming+adveristy.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhU_IK_tbm0NQB6aAu0sQKwhyphenhyphenGH3y4-GN8n4cbIWLYIKFCXyoTIB-CtdEkjQj-sJx1bkjaf0SJsHz2GR_v9m3hjwd0yqp1R0vw3k1EfP7kz0Ym7NZUGYiKFfzFENMLQQ14FSDE9whjsDTU/s320/overcoming+adveristy.jpg" width="224" /></a></div>
<b>Blurb:</b><br />A collection of seventy moving and uplifting original pieces - real life, flash fiction, and poetry - about battling against the odds and the ultimate triumph of the human spirit. The contributors include Amazon bestselling authors Alex J. Cavanaugh and Kyra Lennon, and the cream of upcoming talent.<br /><br />
The anthology is part of a fundraising effort to send the editor's stepson, Andrew McNaughton, to a specialist college in England. Andrew has cerebral palsy, and is a remarkable young man with a promising future. However, the free further education options offered in his own country of Scotland will not challenge him and allow him to progress. In order to access the education he deserves, Andrew will have to pay exorbitant fees, thus creating a situation of discrimination.<br /><br />
Help us get Andrew to college by buying a book that runs the full gamut of human emotions, ultimately leaving you inspired and glad to be alive. Whatever struggles you are going through, our sincere hope is that this book will help.<br /><br />
<b>Purchase Links:</b><br /><a href="http://www.amazon.co.uk/Overcoming-Adversity-Anthology-Andrew-ebook/dp/B00BM62EZA/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1362210101&sr=8-1" target="_blank">Amazon UK</a><br />
<a href="http://www.amazon.com/Overcoming-Adversity-Anthology-Andrew-ebook/dp/B00BM62EZA/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1362210134&sr=8-1&keywords=nick+wilford" target="_blank">Amazon US</a><br />
<a href="http://www.smashwords.com/books/view/290822" target="_blank">Smashwords</a><br />
<a href="http://www.goodreads.com/book/show/17452314-overcoming-adversity" target="_blank">Goodreads </a><br />
<br />
<b>Editor Bio</b>: Nick Wilford is a writer and stay-at-home dad. Once a journalist, he now makes use of those rare times when the house is quiet to explore the realms of fiction. When not writing he can usually be found spending time with his family or cleaning something. He has four short stories published in Writer’s Muse magazine. Nick is also co-running a campaign to get a dedicated specialist college built in Scotland. Visit him at <a href="http://nickwilford.blogspot.co.uk/">http://nickwilford.blogspot.co.uk/</a>.<br />
<br />
At $2.99 for a digital copy he will need to sell thousands and we wish him luck.<br />
<br />
<br />J.L. Murpheyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11782355786883006411noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7789228108250260519.post-54859958417101986082013-02-17T14:25:00.000-05:002013-02-17T14:25:24.433-05:00Lost and Found- God's Timepiece<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhqDVxXuUL0CAVkS5FEkplBLMXMnf1skxfCYF9hfDVx_LolgKfC7Bgfc2e6F1NhyphenhyphenKV7nHZTfmYBtSGHXDNC-T2fTatR7Ty9Muvv_XJIyQdGQyYLK3wUruA66cv7Xg2Ynuf0DNROtFWu6fU/s1600/glorious-morning-31.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="240" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhqDVxXuUL0CAVkS5FEkplBLMXMnf1skxfCYF9hfDVx_LolgKfC7Bgfc2e6F1NhyphenhyphenKV7nHZTfmYBtSGHXDNC-T2fTatR7Ty9Muvv_XJIyQdGQyYLK3wUruA66cv7Xg2Ynuf0DNROtFWu6fU/s320/glorious-morning-31.jpg" width="320" /></a></div>
As I sit here in front of my computer screen this fine but chilly Sunday morning, I'm mentally at a loss of what to be thankful for. Yes, I'm thankful for being alive, but am I really?<br />
<br />
My momma always called God her Big Daddy. She often said while she was alive that she couldn't wait until she sat on her Big Daddy's lap to talk to him in person. She was a firm believer. HE was her everything. The ultimate in power and love.<br />
<br />
Simplistic her her views of God, but oh, so powerful of an image. So am I thankful for being alive and kicking? Not really. I could be like her sitting on her Big Daddy's lap and receiving the ultimate, unconditional love. In fact, it makes me kind of sad that I'm not. The love we experience in this life is nothing but a substitute for what awaits us in Heaven.<br />
<br />
Do I have a death wish? Yes and no. While I might want to go to Heaven, I'm not in a rush to get there. It's not my time by my Heavenly Father's time piece. God's time tends to be a mystery to us humans living on the earthly plane. <br />
<br />
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhiKtfUQAb9ifEwS5K3adxQ1kbPEpQjEIWcm_r-j2KZAaCTJrH-mrpe3A6rRANrPhRRcTOv-HuVt-AzCpKmNA9e_3nCeZ8AgtY66mg6sDaA2YQ3Uh4OD7FKK9xBXvkwZ2rpmh-ddzaJRBk/s1600/the-genesis-code.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhiKtfUQAb9ifEwS5K3adxQ1kbPEpQjEIWcm_r-j2KZAaCTJrH-mrpe3A6rRANrPhRRcTOv-HuVt-AzCpKmNA9e_3nCeZ8AgtY66mg6sDaA2YQ3Uh4OD7FKK9xBXvkwZ2rpmh-ddzaJRBk/s320/the-genesis-code.jpg" width="215" /></a></div>
God's time versus our time. I recently watched a movie called "The Genesis Code" which explained the difference between science fact versus the biblical time frame and why they are at odds. Granted it's only a movie, but in essence it explain and marries the two times into our understanding the difference. Good movie. Go rent it today if you can. The old mathematician and science geek in me was satisfied with their answer somewhat.<br />
<br />
On the down side, it brushes over quite a bit of both scientific and Bible based knowledge, but it is only a movie. What I took from the movie was simple. It's all about perception and perspective. We always say, "God's will," or God's time" without fully understanding it. Will we ever? Yes, one day. All the answers to our questions will be answered in God's time and not in our time.<br />
<br />
So I'll continue on my trek through this earthly realm until my time equals God's time. It will happen eventually.<br />
<br />
Blessed be because I am.J.L. Murpheyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11782355786883006411noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7789228108250260519.post-56508206012807699202013-02-03T10:00:00.000-05:002013-02-03T10:00:04.220-05:00Are You Frustrated with Your Life?Frustration is something we all experience it at some time in our lives. That feeling that no
matter what you do or try it just isn't working. The want to pull your
hair out, want to runaway and hide until its all over. You know that
feeling, right?<br />
<br />
You can get frustrated with things like
your job, your writing, your life, your situation, your finances,
you're not succeeding, and people around you (some you don't even know).
There are a thousand things in this world to frustrate you and trip you
up in your Christian walk.<br />
<br />
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhgMd1eDPOWM35j91_XFsT2jratqIIv7ntNa7z3f3mkidB8o2u1PuKyRyeKDcauk_Emg8IjntBNqIiGNrXP-OUz8kq7N7LxDXkbLloSnnKj5aD4q9LzJyLf0pYxQH-Znl6bPsgH0sclBaE/s1600/Yes-You-001.jpg" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="133" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhgMd1eDPOWM35j91_XFsT2jratqIIv7ntNa7z3f3mkidB8o2u1PuKyRyeKDcauk_Emg8IjntBNqIiGNrXP-OUz8kq7N7LxDXkbLloSnnKj5aD4q9LzJyLf0pYxQH-Znl6bPsgH0sclBaE/s200/Yes-You-001.jpg" width="200" /></a></div>
Notice
one thing that is repeated in the above paragraph? It's Y-O-U or a
variation of it. It's your frustration. It's all about you and things
not going the way you want it to. How you feel about things. How you
interact with situations around you. The only one who can change that is
Y-O-U. Even with the help of the Holy Spirit, you can't change overnight...it takes time.<br />
<br />
Isn't that the same thing as self pity? No,
it's different. No, it's the same thing. So get off the pity pot already
somebody else wants to use it!<br />
<br />
I hear you. I've spent
considerable amount of time on the pity pot myself with trying to get a
handle on the feelings accompanied by my stroke and life in general.
I've had a pretty hard reality setback with my stroke, but there are
stroke survivors who have it much worse than me out there. My
grandmother was stricken with seven strokes throughout her life. It
gradually took everything away from her until she was almost in a
vegetative state before she died with the seventh over five years in the
progression.<br />
<br />
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgQV7KsbBqUyCV0PqWoVbDa8615ewWRl9awS-i5sebJ_ajxbKC6AiKgWoK4trWACQztrd2yCy7ddB-YNHGjzbfC-DXgCgPgf5npvS3jof7azNkjBzHAXQUhxJZnpKWBoLLwn1c16f7lMMo/s1600/Rosie-the-Riveter.jpg" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgQV7KsbBqUyCV0PqWoVbDa8615ewWRl9awS-i5sebJ_ajxbKC6AiKgWoK4trWACQztrd2yCy7ddB-YNHGjzbfC-DXgCgPgf5npvS3jof7azNkjBzHAXQUhxJZnpKWBoLLwn1c16f7lMMo/s320/Rosie-the-Riveter.jpg" width="246" /></a></div>
Now
for the fix, or some ways to stop frustration. This worked for me and
it was years in the learning. God is teaching me patience with this
added malady.<br />
<ul>
<li>Step away from what is frustrating you. Even if it is going into another room.</li>
<li>Do something else not related to what you were doing. Continuing to
punish yourself by keeping at it just makes the frustration worse.</li>
<li>Remember it can always be worse. For me when I feel myself slipping
into a rut I'll remember a friend who is in worse financial, physical or
emotional straits than me. You'll smaller after feeling frustrated by
such petty things that frustrated you in the first place.</li>
<li>Find the root cause of why you are feelings frustrated. It may be
something deeper than what you are frustrated with at the moment.</li>
<li>Make your expectations smaller. A lot of times we expect too much from ourselves and set ourselves up for failure</li>
<li>Focus Smaller. Stop trying to fix the world's problem. Settle for a smaller thing you can do to make it better today. Just today.</li>
<li>Simplify.
Don't try something that takes fifty gazillion steps, if you've never
done it before. Think of a jigsaw puzzle. When you were putting one
together for the first time you didn't start out with a 1000 piece
puzzle or a 3-D. You worked up to it.</li>
<li>Allow yourself to fail attempts. Recognize that the first ten times
you are not going to get it perfect. Learn from the failed attempts and
make all new ones. </li>
<li>You are not alone. Take a look around you. There will be others.</li>
<li>Be kinder to yourself. Think of all the muscles it takes to frown,
how blotchy your face looks after a crying jag, How your screaming and
yelling scares the neighbors, and how you will have to replace whatever
you break.</li>
</ul>
<br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi1YnxA4sFFy1b6Tk2UxddCzrvPqQMmVp1h-X9DGZB85R0YtEkEuWEXZkR2aDU35hPBIB_wU-7ZH48vW1AoWJ5TWih6JFyoSDNaKrBgtlCP4SmL1989lJ0xnXYa8rkPe2Lt0y-WSgdrinw/s1600/Stop+sign.jpg" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="133" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi1YnxA4sFFy1b6Tk2UxddCzrvPqQMmVp1h-X9DGZB85R0YtEkEuWEXZkR2aDU35hPBIB_wU-7ZH48vW1AoWJ5TWih6JFyoSDNaKrBgtlCP4SmL1989lJ0xnXYa8rkPe2Lt0y-WSgdrinw/s200/Stop+sign.jpg" width="200" /></a></div>
I've
just given you ten ways to stop frustration in its tracks. I don't
expect you to do all of them at one time. Make a conscious effort to do
one a week. In ten weeks you will be frustration free. Well maybe not
totally, but you will be better armed against those feelings when you
feel it start to well up inside you.<br />
<br />
May the peace of the Lord be with you. J.L. Murpheyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11782355786883006411noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7789228108250260519.post-14657435335852039682013-01-13T06:30:00.000-05:002013-01-13T06:30:00.839-05:00A Blessing or a Curse ~ It Depends on Your Point of View<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
</div>
Happy 2013 y'all. I thought I'd share something that might make your life a little easier. It's call having faith and realize that your perception of situations is only an error in your point of view. <br />
<br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiL_-LGR_uz_Lh_I3uWe2ObNoDnmBxzuLmhUsFfTj8ieF1E3rE8L_4Jma_dESStGtYmN03R6bqMhWkmL3Ge1USM_tShcFxr1f65RbkdghreNL7FIvdNVsJXcNUW5cKlh3nb0u7DMI9LCD4/s1600/too_blessed_to_be_stressed_button.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="200" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiL_-LGR_uz_Lh_I3uWe2ObNoDnmBxzuLmhUsFfTj8ieF1E3rE8L_4Jma_dESStGtYmN03R6bqMhWkmL3Ge1USM_tShcFxr1f65RbkdghreNL7FIvdNVsJXcNUW5cKlh3nb0u7DMI9LCD4/s200/too_blessed_to_be_stressed_button.jpg" width="200" /></a></div>
Several years ago, I met a woman who wore one of those round pins like campaign buttons or a smilie face. It was about three inches around so you could read it from a distance. I know you have all seen something similar.<br />
<========= <br />
What stuck me at the time was the genuine smile on her face. She actually believed it.<br />
<br />
At this time, my husband was in the hospital for the umpteenth time. I had spent more hours in the hospital than when I had worked there. God was working on me with trusting Him. The doctors had used the words "cancer," "failing heart," "severe COPD," and 'terminal." The last thing I wanted to see was this woman's smiling face and her dagnabit button. The thought that this woman hadn't walked a mile in my shoes came to mind. I just wanted to skulk off in a corner and stew in my own misery for a while. The burden of "carrying on" was just too heavy. I was surely cursed.<br />
<br />
God had other things in store for me. This is a low point in my life and He showed me His love everlasting. I had faith in my Holy Father, believed I was washed in the Blood, and had professed to all that would listen "I am Saved." But still I was heavyhearted at the prospect of losing my soul mate. Surely my Heavenly Father wouldn't take this joy from my life. If He did, what was the sense in loving a God like that?<br />
<br />
I sat at a small table in the hospital cafeteria and ate my salad like an automaton. My body language dared anyone to approach me even old friends who still worked there. Like Greta Garbo, "I vanted to be left alone." But no, God put this woman beside me. She was the kindly grandmother type. Now, that's a laugh because usually that is used to describe me. I took her little button and smiling face as affront to the pain and anger I was feeling.<br />
<br />
She reached over and patted my arm in a gentle fashion that only a southern old lady can do. "It will be okay."<br />
<br />
How was this going to be okay, my mind revolted. I gave her a rather rude snort. Nothing was going to be okay ever again.<br />
<br />
She got up to leave. "It's all your point of view. It will be okay."<br />
Then she was gone and in all my years since, I've never seen her again.<br />
<br />
I thought long and hard about her words ever since that day. I realized she was right. It's perception to any given situation that makes horrendous situations a blessing or a curse. It was a revelation.<br />
<br />
<h3>
Yes, but is this a curse?</h3>
<ul>
<li>My husband is terminal with cancer which has metastasized to his lungs. The doctor gave his life expectancy at that point between 3-6 months.</li>
<li>My husband has a weak heart and can barely lift 10 lbs.</li>
<li>My husband also has bad lungs and can barely walk ten feet without gasping for breath.</li>
<li>Our home looks like a partitioned hospital room with all the equipment and medicines.</li>
</ul>
<h3>
Nope, it's a blessing.</h3>
<ul>
<li>That hospitalization was four years ago and he's still with me. I've come to realize that each second he's with me is a blessing. </li>
<li>I know him better having spending every second I could with him than I did in the first ten years of our marriage. We just celebrated our twentieth wedding anniversary.</li>
<li>We share a closer relationship because of what we've been through.</li>
<li>God is still in control. Man's time is not God's time.</li>
<li>I am counting blessing instead of trials.</li>
<li>I'm stronger in faith because of this lesson my Father has taught me.</li>
</ul>
It all depends on your point of view. The choice is yours.J.L. Murpheyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11782355786883006411noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7789228108250260519.post-26031757605319084662012-12-22T00:30:00.000-05:002012-12-22T00:30:01.888-05:00Congratulations! We Survived!<table cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="float: left; margin-right: 1em; text-align: left;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh6FNi9R443Jpey3fuiwzQd_m9ICxgRAhISKLqYHsWbsZP5fVJTg5Zt_reejzuHwLsTxDhtBKY5Y8jPC_5CD6o4oiCHIUbnNuQBQBnV60BdJ1dEGmd6yPuyp604jPWP3ZAqua9t3AiOubk/s1600/end-of-the-world.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="222" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh6FNi9R443Jpey3fuiwzQd_m9ICxgRAhISKLqYHsWbsZP5fVJTg5Zt_reejzuHwLsTxDhtBKY5Y8jPC_5CD6o4oiCHIUbnNuQBQBnV60BdJ1dEGmd6yPuyp604jPWP3ZAqua9t3AiOubk/s320/end-of-the-world.jpg" width="320" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Nope, just kidding! Fooled you.</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
<h3>
We survived the Mayans' prediction of the end of the world! If you can't read this, I'm wrong.</h3>
"Nope, just kidding. Fooled you," said the Mayan priest as he smoked his wacky weed in his pipe. "I just ran out of stone to carve a new calendar. It's not like I can run out to my local market and get some."<br />
<table cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="float: right; margin-left: 1em; text-align: right;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgniLHtYCnCHPDv91d6q8-GwfblmKWIMCgWZyHhd8E3NFpFL1ZfCpz0gs5k4HuacYsw2YXdPzgR8fWd7O63BcgQFmX02VSRosPbwgggff9JndDxqFyzyvN3AV7OT8jamQZaDsLpuBmR8sI/s1600/Mayan_priest_smoking.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="200" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgniLHtYCnCHPDv91d6q8-GwfblmKWIMCgWZyHhd8E3NFpFL1ZfCpz0gs5k4HuacYsw2YXdPzgR8fWd7O63BcgQFmX02VSRosPbwgggff9JndDxqFyzyvN3AV7OT8jamQZaDsLpuBmR8sI/s200/Mayan_priest_smoking.jpg" width="118" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Mayan priest smoking</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
<br />
Of course there have been tons of predictions as to where life as we know it will end. All of them have been proved wrong when the next day happens. Isn't that the way false prophets work? They get followers to believe that life as you know it will happen at a certain date and time, but the fact is NOBODY truly knows. This is gospel. It's in the Word. Why should you listen to false prophets? God is perfectly able to speak to you directly with Christ as the liaison, and the Holy Spirit as the real interpreter.<br />
<br />
<table cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="float: left; margin-right: 1em; text-align: left;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg9i349ZpOxNtuLiHx7L_Q-sK0HPYOazqCQecIc8dQ9ae5yFIzlbD7OofxVcz8c5E7eKmr015FWfBiTD0YRH2v-6YQuF9fLnWs4qlO2r1afHAYPBsotYQbCGJhogm69m-jwDKayBhqCJ1w/s1600/revelation.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="111" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg9i349ZpOxNtuLiHx7L_Q-sK0HPYOazqCQecIc8dQ9ae5yFIzlbD7OofxVcz8c5E7eKmr015FWfBiTD0YRH2v-6YQuF9fLnWs4qlO2r1afHAYPBsotYQbCGJhogm69m-jwDKayBhqCJ1w/s200/revelation.jpg" width="200" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">The Bible</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
Even the bible talks about the end of times, but doesn't give a specific time reference. There will be "signs." The problem with signs is that many things can be misinterpreted as signs. For generations, this calamity or that has been read as signs that the end is nigh. But in reality they were, albeit frightening, were just events that meant nothing. When the true end-is-nigh is about to occur, God will have to put it in bold, neon lights in the sky before I'll believe man's predictions.<br />
<br />
Y2K was going to change the world as we know it. But some savvy computer programmer, <cough> like me, figured out that changing two lines of code would save computing as we know it. Financial institutions, the stock markets, and businesses all operated as normal on 1/1/00. For those that couldn't afford services like mine, they simply set their computer's internal clocks back ten or twenty years. Many cults staged mass suicides, and made pacts. But the fact is, Y2K changed virtually nothing. It came and went by.<br />
<br />
<table cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="float: left; margin-right: 1em; text-align: left;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhDdqb3zrueyiPQC9zs2eCD964aHzcOFHF7wFeAcuGpLqgfBOXRyW-ERRUgNF_GMAWCh2EQc7_pwKk_8Lt1Zq5WrNdlZ-u28fbxLkcBoIPbf5pRZ-BxPPuw2qtK8OOJ5hBagBq0q-zwCjY/s1600/whispering.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="160" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhDdqb3zrueyiPQC9zs2eCD964aHzcOFHF7wFeAcuGpLqgfBOXRyW-ERRUgNF_GMAWCh2EQc7_pwKk_8Lt1Zq5WrNdlZ-u28fbxLkcBoIPbf5pRZ-BxPPuw2qtK8OOJ5hBagBq0q-zwCjY/s200/whispering.jpg" width="200" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">I've got a secret</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
NASA assured us, in the face of the financial cliff in our economy, that no asteroid or other planet was going to hit us. There were no warning signs that the Earth was going to up end on its axis. With the technology today, surely someone would have leaked a story somehow. All the conspiracy theorists in the world projecting the end is just that theories. Even my dog can have theories of what is going to happen, and I'd trust my dog better than any stranger. That's not saying much because she will jump in the bathtub at the first rumble of thunder.<br />
<br />
Now will bad things continue to happen? Most definitely. Someone with a gun or a knife will continue to kill innocent babies. People will still lie, cheat, and steal. The economy will be shaky, and then rise. People will become homeless, starve to death, and put through the wringer of life. Because that's what it is... life. Be thankful for this life no matter what it brings. Not everything will be sunshine, lollipops, and roses. Just like everything will not be storm clouds, rainy days, and weeds.<br />
<br />
All I know for sure is when my Master calls I'm going home. Have a safe and joyous holiday season. See you again next year.<br />
<br />
<br />J.L. Murpheyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11782355786883006411noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7789228108250260519.post-45999037503564488122012-12-09T09:54:00.000-05:002012-12-09T09:54:00.067-05:00Retrospective and Thankful.<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhVaJkSyv_Bgb8DXiFDnZcvCwf1nOvDmmpLuF2WRISIXaBLRcXl5eg48YiqQq7ejnolvL4GDcUiBKomaE6PYrDGby8Jg5jhkZT6rU4-4j2IGIEU-_T_LAQej7AYSP7ghLPZ0up6_abZnFQ/s1600/Stop+sign.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="133" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhVaJkSyv_Bgb8DXiFDnZcvCwf1nOvDmmpLuF2WRISIXaBLRcXl5eg48YiqQq7ejnolvL4GDcUiBKomaE6PYrDGby8Jg5jhkZT6rU4-4j2IGIEU-_T_LAQej7AYSP7ghLPZ0up6_abZnFQ/s200/Stop+sign.jpg" width="200" /></a></div>
Since my stroke in May, I've had plenty of time to think and read other stroke survivor's blogs. I ran across <a href="http://www.stroke-survivors.org/2012/12/eclectic-monty-things-learned.html" target="_blank">THIS</a> this week and thought I would share it with you all. It's all about what some has learned in retrospective and rarely as a person do we take time to think about it. This is wisdom born of suffering.<br />
<br />
As a pastor, I often look at things in life retrospectively. This month being the anniversary of the birth of our Lord and Savior is a time to be thankful for the life after He assures us. Many of us are rushing around buying gifts that will be broken, used up, gathering dust, and forgotten in the months to come, that we often forget to slow down and think how important this ultimate gift is. All the blessings we have received throughout the year that we have received.<br />
<br />
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgA3HJE_qcyF6mafZrsy9qkDN0H4O6zoc9bh2WJvzlZg9HN-3-2pp9h0BHiXb52tWJtDSOtrbPDsszJeNA-KfZVVVGrReX63DRwgNixv910eDoNVDAXyYZb6_qsJ0zL49YtN508DM-bmC4/s1600/PS-wasted-life.png" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" height="213" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgA3HJE_qcyF6mafZrsy9qkDN0H4O6zoc9bh2WJvzlZg9HN-3-2pp9h0BHiXb52tWJtDSOtrbPDsszJeNA-KfZVVVGrReX63DRwgNixv910eDoNVDAXyYZb6_qsJ0zL49YtN508DM-bmC4/s320/PS-wasted-life.png" width="320" /></a></div>
How many of us would have carried on when we have nothing in life to look forward to than suffering, pain, persecution, and death? Christ did. If we don't value the lessons in life that He taught us along the way, isn't that another way of adding insult to injury, and a wasted life? Would you want to be the one that told Christ that He wasted His life for your salvation for a life ever after?<br />
<br />
Not me. I won't live in fear of a wasted life. Everyday counts and even every minute counts or accounts for something. Make your life worth something. During this busy holiday season whether it's Hanukkah, Kwanzaa, Ashura, or Christmas, take the time to look at the lessons you've learned and be thankful. <br />
J.L. Murpheyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11782355786883006411noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7789228108250260519.post-73232464160329786922012-11-11T10:07:00.000-05:002012-11-11T10:07:55.698-05:00November= Thankfulness<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhUYbULaGDlRezunIajwoVn_6O8z_bdhN4D_Yrzt3DDxpIpu86k1MWB59GmWTRuO99qt8Syd3PGd4kNe1dMf-xkY7Rh7dVLL0uLEeV4sTKdltFlMDYnmg9219QlWf44qxtNAnUxsBhC2sA/s1600/thankful.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="203" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhUYbULaGDlRezunIajwoVn_6O8z_bdhN4D_Yrzt3DDxpIpu86k1MWB59GmWTRuO99qt8Syd3PGd4kNe1dMf-xkY7Rh7dVLL0uLEeV4sTKdltFlMDYnmg9219QlWf44qxtNAnUxsBhC2sA/s320/thankful.jpg" width="320" /></a></div>
This is November and it almost marks six month since my stroke. It's time to be thankful for the blessings the Lord has given us. Not that everyday, you shouldn't be thankful.<br />
<br />
Thanksgiving always reminds people of their Heavenly Father and giving thanks. I don't know about you, but once a year is not enough.<br />
<br />
So today I'm thankful, and almost regretful that I'm still on this earth. My stroke could have killed me, but I'm still here. Damaged, but grateful because I'm still able to function in some form of ministry. Challenged, but grateful because everyday things are not my previous normal self. Paralyzed on one side, but grateful because I can still do most things within limits. Mostly, I'm grateful that I can show others by example that there can be life after a stroke even God's love and mercy.<br />
<br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiN1c_Z6MRGcLtjrw69fXN7UUAmkQ8c7VDsBTmBO7MGzmfolmFG5yvtaWVq_qfFp_NQIyvZyBL0_E58V5mP1OQAeGLR8xr5hKQN9doE7YTUHUop2pecVli5QRZmMqJnJB1P7OyAIr4hdBk/s1600/praise.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" height="149" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiN1c_Z6MRGcLtjrw69fXN7UUAmkQ8c7VDsBTmBO7MGzmfolmFG5yvtaWVq_qfFp_NQIyvZyBL0_E58V5mP1OQAeGLR8xr5hKQN9doE7YTUHUop2pecVli5QRZmMqJnJB1P7OyAIr4hdBk/s200/praise.jpg" width="200" /></a></div>
Giving praise and glory to the Lord pleases Him. That's all being thankful really is. Although I am writing this near Thanksgiving, I suggest you plan on being thankful everyday not just one day out of a year. It magnifies His blessings.<br />
<br />
I always speak of blessings. Otherwise the antonym is a curse. Abundant blessings have enriched my life and it should enrich yours. Have you ever been with someone who is always negative? Do you want to be? Probably not.After a very short while you start to get depressed. But speak of blessings....you draw a crowd. Some will feel fortunate to be around you. They will see the blessings they may not have seen before. Yes, living a blessings filled life is not easy, but it's a choice.<br />
<br />
So what has God done for you lately? Open you mind and your heart.J.L. Murpheyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11782355786883006411noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7789228108250260519.post-3190217319642685592012-10-19T00:44:00.000-04:002012-10-19T00:44:18.389-04:00All Hallows Eve~Cussing and Leading by Example<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhw3b8XOAq2GvAjwvc58Ym7Z9fWjLzUH35f8o1vbY_Ceo_6oZWMmc04my1VTfdT9UuvND9bhUKTezHvGCp4Y4CH2j7ng9Dwaxq6eIXvtAuitD_c-lk9jh21-TlgMQUwhgmdBlun94vE1Tg/s1600/Jack-o'-Lantern_2003-10-31.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="196" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhw3b8XOAq2GvAjwvc58Ym7Z9fWjLzUH35f8o1vbY_Ceo_6oZWMmc04my1VTfdT9UuvND9bhUKTezHvGCp4Y4CH2j7ng9Dwaxq6eIXvtAuitD_c-lk9jh21-TlgMQUwhgmdBlun94vE1Tg/s200/Jack-o'-Lantern_2003-10-31.jpg" width="200" /></a></div>
Halloween is fast approaching. Whether you believe in spirits that walk the Earth, witches, zombies, mummies, or a one of a thousand things that go bump in the night. It's All Hallows Eve. It's a harvest festival that denotes the end of summer. Whether it's remembrances of souls past or trick or treating, it's the thought that counts.<br />
<br />
Last year it was my honor to officiate a zombie wedding. Yes, a
Christian ceremony with contemporary wording of love, commitment, and
faith. It seems hard to believe, but it was truly a joining of two
souls in a extra special way.<br />
<br />
When you harvest souls for Christ it's a 24/7 job throughout the years. Leading by example is my favorite way of bringing a soul into the Kingdom. It brings to mind two of my favorite sermons. One on cussing and the other leading by example. Don't start dozing they are abbreviated.<br />
<br />
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While I still have not officially returned to my ministerial duties, I lead by example in everyday living. I'm far from perfect. I swear although I do not use God's name in vain. My previous pastor of my church constantly said, "Lord, give me strength!" While not necessarily a cuss...it was the way it it said that mattered. He always used this phrase when aggravated which made it sound like a cuss statement. Even made up phrases like my favorite "razzle frazzle" is cussing.<br />
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The Good Book says to be cautious what comes out of your mouth. Remember in the movie "Star Wars" and the Ewoks. Although it sounded like a made up language, it was similar to an African dialect. Everything that comes out of your mouth even if it gibberish can be cussing. Think about it. Anything can be a cuss word or phrase. It it depends on how it is used and what it means to you inside. God only cares about you beneath the skin.<br />
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When I was leaving therapy one day last week, I saw a woman point to me and tell her friend I was her inspiration. I stopped and asked her why. She explained how she had been watching me during therapy and my strength in attempting every task they (the therapists) gave me. She went on further to say that I had a smile on my face while doing it.<br />
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Now I might not always be smiling but I am willing to learn what will help me heal and will try anything. Believe me after riding a stationary bike up and down hills for 30 minutes, the only thing I'm smiling about is getting off that blasted bike! Yes, that was a cuss!<br />
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I need to explain about this woman. She is about ten years older than I am and only has one leg. I look at her and am thankful that I only had a stroke and did not lose my leg below the knee. There by the grace of God, go I, I thought when I first saw them fit her with her prostheses. I later told her I was a minister who believes in leading by example. The glory goes to God so don't look to me for inspiration, but draw from the abundant love of the Father.<br />
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It's all about perception. Like I said about my experience in the rehab hospital, I'm a cheerleader in a five-foot, 165 lb body. No, not the cartwheel, splits, and pyramid building kind, but the praise and encouragement kind. I may or may not have walked a mile in their shoes, but I can cheer at the little accomplishment in a big way. After a few weeks in therapy, I heard others encouraging others along with me. One man serenaded us with praises in hymns. I saw people giving other virtually strangers before, talking and encouraging each other. They were spreading the love of Christ. Instead of being down trodden...they were uplifted. A renewed energy filled the therapy room then after. This is the love passed on to others. It's leading by example and it's contagious. Pass it on.<br />
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<b>Have you shared the love of Christ today?</b>J.L. Murpheyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11782355786883006411noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7789228108250260519.post-43765202095446801342012-09-22T10:23:00.000-04:002012-09-22T10:23:03.444-04:00Absence Makes the Heart Grow Fonder<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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I do not have many followers on this site. That's a fact,but you might have noticed that I have not posted in a long time. Some of you may know I also write a blog about writing and the writing life over at jomurphey dot blogspot dot com too. Yes, I wear many hats in this life. Original intentions for this blog was once a month. It was to be an uplifting place full of fun, faith, and life fulfilling.<br />
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That was my intention and you know what they say about good intentions. Well, it's true. Some devastating things have occurred in my personal life.<br />
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My husband's health took a turn for the worst. When your spouse is diagnosed as terminal, every day life takes on a whole new meaning. Each day is precious because someone official says there is no hope, no chance of survival, and the only treatment left is comfort. Some times they even put a time frame based on THEIR knowledge. For my husband that date was eight years ago. Do not be concerned with man's time. It's God's time. Let me tell you that there is a big difference in the concept of time between the two. We just coast through and enjoy each other with whatever moments we have. We share each day whether it's talking about concerns we have, politics, jokes, family, but mostly faith. It is our personal assurance that God holds the reins in our lives. <br />
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You know what Murphy's Law says...whatever can go wrong-will. I had a stroke which left me paralyzed on my dominant right side. I am currently in out patient therapy a couple days a week. It was the suddenness that shocked me. It wasn't an instant now you have it; now you don't. But a gradual loss over hours and days as brain cells starved and died which led me to where I am. But still a loss is a loss with numerous adjustments. Life is about adaptation and faith can AND will carry you through.<br />
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I searched my soul for a reason God gave me this trial. Not all bad things are from Satan. I know that Satan may have had a hand in it but the Glory and the learning experience credit goes to God. What had I not learned in all the trials in my life...patience. I have always got the job done. Whether it was being a single mom of four, having two disabled children, taking care of passing loved ones and the families, and whatever. Faith and love I had in abundance, and still do. I see it in my grandchildren eyes or when my husband opens his eyes, realizes it's me sitting beside him, and he smiles through his pain.<br />
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I had to have my children go through my appointment book and cancel every single wedding and counseling session, classes, and book signings for the rest of the year. You see, I also lost my ability to speak and swallow. Mentally I can't spell without a spell checker working which I despise, grammar is history except for the basics, math is a thing for calculators, and when asked by a therapist (who also got some of my speech back) the opening lines of my favorite wedding...I couldn't remember although I used it over a thousand times.<br />
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In God's work, I do not go door to door or even have my own church. The Lord has a way of putting people in my path who have a need or many. I never know in advance, they just appear before me so I'm constantly looking. My stroke was no exception. Just like a business plan there are short and long term goals. God's work is the same, and don't ever doubt it. I knew in purpose for my stroke was learning patience that was a long term goal because recovering can take years. As stubborn as I am, it might take me that long to learn it. It was the short term goal I couldn't see until four days before my release from the intensive rehab program.<br />
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During rehab session, think five hours a day of hard work, there were others who had joint replacements, accidents, strokes and all manner of problems trying to learn to do something they couldn't up until a few days or weeks ago...like me. I became the head cheerleader coaxing others to work harder, stretch further, give it their all so they could go home. You see God had already given me the previous knowledge of what they were going through and how hard it was. I had them realize their own accomplishments. Made them acknowledge therapy was working so they could go home. I was spreading the love of the Lord to all. Sharing faith and encouragement thereby increasing my own.<br />
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Four days before I was released to go home, the patient care tech put a man at my breakfast table. Like me he'd had a stroke. Unlike me, this was his second having fully recovered from his first one years earlier. The second stroke did considerable more damage. He was unable to talk and was now wheelchair bound with no movement on one side. He was spared his dominant side unlike me. He changed the channel on the remote to a Christian station and was bobbing his head to the words spoken. This was my short term mission. Breakfast was brought in. The aide opened everything for him and I watched while they fed him the dreaded puree diet. He could nod his head yes and no but wouldn't even try to talk. In the middle of breakfast he broke down in tears. He took the towel they were using as a bib to wipe his face.<br />
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I waved the aide off with look and began talking to him. It was to be his first day of therapy. I told him it was okay to cry because he thought of himself less than a man and useless. There are times for tears, grief, and even self pity, but to limit the time to less than fifteen minutes an episode. It was time to work to get his life back and that's why he was here. He nodded and was rolled down to the therapy session. I reminded him every time I saw him break down by simply touching his arm in a gentle pat.<br />
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I had told him I was worse than him when I was admitted, but look at me now. I had learned how to swallow, mostly stopped drooling, was in underwear, I could walk with a walker but the wheelchair was quicker, But I still had no use of my arm. I demonstrated this by picking it up with my unaffected side and dropping it on the table. While weakened he had use of two fingers and his wrist, and shoulder on his affected side. I told him that I had much farther to go than him. He gave me a lopsided smile, his first. since the stroke.<br />
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By the second day after his arrival, he was more confident. I met his wife and family, and some of his friends and pastor. They already knew I was one and the nurses had told them that I was working with him. From personal experience with my own husband, I knew the male ego is a fragile thing. I would ask what he did in therapy and he would motion, by the motions I could tell what he was doing because I had been there and done the very same thing. He would nod when I guessed right. Two things happened that were significant that morning. 1) one he made three guttural sounds for words, and 2) he tried to feed himself. These were milestones. I praised him profusely for his efforts. When the aide tried to feed him I shook my head no at her. "Let him try." It was a messy process but I watched as he mixed his sausage into his grits, picked up the open packets of salt and pepper and pour them in clumps on his food. It was just the way he ate it at home according to his wife. He had some problems with opening his yogurt and I showed him how I did it. I picked up my spoon and punched the top allowing a bigger area the pull. It was a major accomplishment day for him. The aide sat back and watched in awe. For over a week they had been feeding this man.<br />
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By the third day, the tears had almost ceased. The confidence and pride shone in his eyes. He was actively fighting to get his life back. He also told me his name. I already knew because I asked the nurse, but I truly hate calling people by their last name. It's respectful, but unfriendly. He was walking and eating. He was more actively engaging in things going on around him. I told to always remember...fear and faith cannot live in the same body. To not give up because like any good parent, God did not want second best for HIS children. These were the words I received in my morning prayers about him...or I thought it was about him, but they also applied to me.<br />
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The next day was my discharge day. The man had a therapy session before me. I had missed our morning meeting because of my final assisted shower. I rolled into rehab and our eyes met. "Good Morning," he said to me. I couldn't have been prouder if he had been one of my own kids. Like so many I minister to that the Lord puts in my path, I was discharged and went home never to hear any more about him. Gone, but not forgotten. My life is truly blessed and enriched by these occurrences. God knows how to use me best.<br />
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It has taken me an hour to type this blog, but I think it is worth it. I have made many friends over the years who have offered assistance. The one thing I ask for is prayers. I have the willpower and faith to recover even if it's not totally. I am after all a realist. Miracles happen every day and I believe in prayer. I have never prayed for myself in all the decades of faith, but have continually prayed for others. Why, you ask. Because God sees what I need and supplies it. It's guaranteed.<br />
<br />J.L. Murpheyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11782355786883006411noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7789228108250260519.post-24630106549368974332012-05-21T18:19:00.001-04:002012-05-21T18:19:32.395-04:00Hellish Weekend<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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Okay so it wasn't totally hell, but most trying. As some of you know,
I'm a minister. I do quite a few wedding during the week as a job, not
to mention filling in for sick or vacationing pastors, and other pastoral duties. This week and
weekend was no exception. I performed ten weddings this week, eighteen
hospital visitation, and services on Sunday morning in a town about 45
minutes away from home. Nothing really out of the ordinary, except for a
few hitches. It was the hitches that made things go from bad to worse.<br />
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I usually confirm with my couples a couple
of days before their wedding to location, time, and place. No big issues
or surprises. I performed three weddings on Saturday and after a very
long day I arrived at the scene for my last wedding, sunset at the
lighthouse. Nothing unusual about the setting or the time. I'll go
anywhere the bride and groom want. The problem was their cell phones
were set to voice mail and after waiting for over an hour, they still
had not showed. No explanation or anything. Now, it's Monday and still
nothing. It was a waste of my time...well not a total waste, I did get
to enjoy the beach breezes.<br />
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Sunday was my first wedding at
the five star resort in my county. I was excited and nervous. Yeah, I
wasn't the one getting married but I was nervous. I was called thirty
minutes, as I was heading out the door, before the wedding and was told
that the venue had changed because of the weather. Now, I personalize
the service I write for each wedding for each couple. I was scrambling
to make the changes in my text.<br />
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I arrived and the valet
parked my car. That's also getting lost along the way because it had
been so long since I'd been over to this little island. I was met by the
wedding planner for the resort. While outwardly friendly, she was very
controlling which I guess was ideal for a wedding planner. It was
something I did not expect at the eleventh hour. Another thing I wasn't
told about was a planned sequence of service and music. Usually, when
special music is involved I do hold a rehearsal so everyone can be on
the same page...this was fifteen minutes before the service. No time
for anything and definitely not enough time for surprises like this.
Everyone was in formal attire besides me, the minister, which made me
feel even more out of place.<br />
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I do my very best to cater to my bride and groom. To let the
bride have the wedding of their dreams, but really...a heads up would
have been nice.J.L. Murpheyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11782355786883006411noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7789228108250260519.post-64124109673530911332012-01-23T14:24:00.001-05:002012-01-23T14:24:15.440-05:00Minister Needing a Minister<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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This Sunday I read in the Georgia Times Union about ministers getting burned out. It's true. Many do not realize that ministry is a 24/7/365 endeavor and it lasts for decades. All hours of the day and night, the phone can ring and you'll be off to this or that place to comfort, assist, or support someone. A bride will change locations for her wedding a few days before the event or change the entire ceremony. You may have only gotten two hours of sleep in the past twenty-four hours, but it does not matter you are on call constantly. Even vacations or days off can be circumvented by someone in need. It is a selfless calling, but you, as a minister, do it without hesitation.<br />
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So how does a minister avoid burn-out? Good question. Yes, the ministry is a calling. Yes, you expect God to give you the strength to do it all, but what happens when the Spirit is willing and the body is weak?<br />
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I've spoken at length with my own minister about this very thing. Yes, even though I am a pastor, I have a pastor. This helps beyond belief. Yes, we are expected to take our problems straight to the man upstairs in prayer. Yes, I do do this, but still it is a comfort to have another human listening for that instant feedback. Sometimes Our Heavenly Father doesn't answer immediately. I am after all, human and have needs. Two true believers are better than one.<br />
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I firmly believe in the promises God made to me and reinforced by His Son. He promised a roof over my head, clothes on my back, food in my stomach...but there is so much more to stumble through this life besides those very basic necessities. While I have been enveloped by the Spirit during really stress-filled times like a death of a loved one, comforted beyond my wildest expectations in most areas...it's the cracks that get me. All those gray areas which all not the food, house, and clothes issues.<br />
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All things work to the greater good. I can accept that. I have faith enough to move mountains, but there is a human physical frailty of which I speak. What happens when a minister has health issues? What happens when a minister has family issues? Depend on the Heavenly Father to remove these issues. Stand on the Rock of His promise to love and care for you just as your Earthly father did.<br />
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So what helps you?J.L. Murpheyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11782355786883006411noreply@blogger.com