What stuck me at the time was the genuine smile on her face. She actually believed it.
At this time, my husband was in the hospital for the umpteenth time. I had spent more hours in the hospital than when I had worked there. God was working on me with trusting Him. The doctors had used the words "cancer," "failing heart," "severe COPD," and 'terminal." The last thing I wanted to see was this woman's smiling face and her dagnabit button. The thought that this woman hadn't walked a mile in my shoes came to mind. I just wanted to skulk off in a corner and stew in my own misery for a while. The burden of "carrying on" was just too heavy. I was surely cursed.
God had other things in store for me. This is a low point in my life and He showed me His love everlasting. I had faith in my Holy Father, believed I was washed in the Blood, and had professed to all that would listen "I am Saved." But still I was heavyhearted at the prospect of losing my soul mate. Surely my Heavenly Father wouldn't take this joy from my life. If He did, what was the sense in loving a God like that?
I sat at a small table in the hospital cafeteria and ate my salad like an automaton. My body language dared anyone to approach me even old friends who still worked there. Like Greta Garbo, "I vanted to be left alone." But no, God put this woman beside me. She was the kindly grandmother type. Now, that's a laugh because usually that is used to describe me. I took her little button and smiling face as affront to the pain and anger I was feeling.
She reached over and patted my arm in a gentle fashion that only a southern old lady can do. "It will be okay."
How was this going to be okay, my mind revolted. I gave her a rather rude snort. Nothing was going to be okay ever again.
She got up to leave. "It's all your point of view. It will be okay."
Then she was gone and in all my years since, I've never seen her again.
I thought long and hard about her words ever since that day. I realized she was right. It's perception to any given situation that makes horrendous situations a blessing or a curse. It was a revelation.
Yes, but is this a curse?
- My husband is terminal with cancer which has metastasized to his lungs. The doctor gave his life expectancy at that point between 3-6 months.
- My husband has a weak heart and can barely lift 10 lbs.
- My husband also has bad lungs and can barely walk ten feet without gasping for breath.
- Our home looks like a partitioned hospital room with all the equipment and medicines.
Nope, it's a blessing.
- That hospitalization was four years ago and he's still with me. I've come to realize that each second he's with me is a blessing.
- I know him better having spending every second I could with him than I did in the first ten years of our marriage. We just celebrated our twentieth wedding anniversary.
- We share a closer relationship because of what we've been through.
- God is still in control. Man's time is not God's time.
- I am counting blessing instead of trials.
- I'm stronger in faith because of this lesson my Father has taught me.